The Full 13 Day Diet

1. 
Due to the length of this diet, it is recommended that you plan it so that you do not have
any big event during the next 13 days

2. 
The best time to start is on a SUNDAY, which only gives you one miserable weekend

3. 
You need to drink a MINIMUM of 2 LITRES of water per day!!!

4. 
IMPORTANT!!! Eat the wholewheat bread with ONLY A SCRAPING OF BUTTER!

5. 
If the diet is followed IN A STRICT MANNER, you should lose all excess body fat (depending on your BMI), between 9-20 kgs

6. 
The diet must be followed for 13 DAYS ONLY and no longer!!!

7. 
Please note that this is not a traditional crash diet, but a diet to change your METABOLISM- it continues working even after the 13 days.

8. 
WARNING...NB!!!!If during the 13 days you CHEAT, e.g. consume beer, a glass of wine, a piece of chewing gum, or any extra food, you might as well STOP THE DIET because it becomes pointless and the diet will have NO EFFECT in this case. You may try again in 3 MONTHS time!

9. 
If you followed this diet perfectly for 13 days, you must not repeat it under any circumstances before 12 months have passed!!!

10.  It is recommended that this diet is repeated every 2 years if so required

RULES: 

1. 
No cheating. Not even slightly

2. 
NO chewing gum (even the sugar free types)

3. 
NO ALCOHOL: beer, wine, champagne, ciders etc

4. 
No oil for cooking (even if it is extra virgin olive oil)

5. 
No honey

6. 
No sugar

7. 
No extra food

8. 
No salad dressing (even if it is light)

RULES- Thngs you may use:

1. Salt

2. Pepper

3. Lemon juice

4. Sweeteners

5. Onions

6. Balsamic vinegar


NOTE: As much as you like has been abbreviated: AMAYL

DAY 1


BREAKFAST: Coffee, no sugar, no milk
 
LUNCH: 2 boiled eggs, cooked spinach (AMAYL)
 
DINNER: Grilled minute (lean) steak (AMAYL)

DAY 2
 
BREAKFAST: Coffee & buttered wholewheat bread 
 
LUNCH: Ham 200g  

DINNER: Grilled minute steak & Green salad (only cucumber & lettuce: NO SALAD DRESSING) & quality fruit

DAY 3

 
BREAKFAST: Coffee & buttered wholewheat bread 
 
LUNCH: 2 boiled eggs, tomato salad & green beans
 
DINNER: 1 slice of ham & green salad (only cucumber & lettuce)

DAY 4:
 
BREAKFAST: Coffee & buttered wholewheat bread 
 
LUNCH: Cooked or raw carrots, with cheese (AMAYL)
 
DINNER: Fruit salad (any fruits of your choice) & natural (plain) yogurt

DAY 5:
 
BREAKFAST: Carrot (cooked or raw) with lemon & coffee

LUNCH: Grilled white fish with raw tomato

DINNER: Grilled steak & green salad

DAY 6:

BREAKFAST: Coffee & buttered wholewheat bread 

LUNCH: 200g Grilled skinned chicken

DINNER: 2 boiled eggs with carrots



DAY 7:

BREAKFAST: Lemon tea

LUNCH: Grilled steak & fruit (AMAYL)


DINNER: Anything (even if its not on this list)!!!

DAY 8:

BREAKFAST: Coffee with as much SUGAR as
you like


LUNCH: 2 boiled eggs, cooked spinach
(AMAYL)

DINNER: 200g Grilled minute steak

DAY 9:

BREAKFAST: Coffee & buttered wholewheat bread 

LUNCH: Grilled steak & green salad

DINNER: 200g Ham


DAY 10:

BREAKFAST: Coffee & buttered wholewheat bread 

LUNCH: 2 boiled eggs, tomato salad & green beans

DINNER: Ham & green salad (only cucumber & lettuce)

DAY 11:

BREAKFAST: Coffee & buttered wholewheat bread

LUNCH: Cooked or raw carrots, with cheese (AMAYL)

DINNER: Fruit salad & natural yogurt

DAY 12 & DAY 13:


BREAKFAST: Coffee & buttered
wholewheat bread

LUNCH: tomato & grilled skinned chicken

DINNER: 2 boiled eggs with carrots

So that's it. I'll let you guys know how it goes afterwards.

I'll keep you posted daily......

Why Are You Alive? Find Your Purpose!

Very few of us have ever died and come back. In fact, very few of us have had near death experiences. But the one thing I have picked up from the few people who HAVE had near death experiences, is that they came back viewing life totally differently.

They come back with a renewed passion for life. And they attack life voraciously. More importantly….they find their purpose in life. Call it a religious or spiritual awakening, or just a newfound passion for life. Because they realise that life in itself is a gift. Therefore every trial and tribulation that comes their way is nothing but a small hurdle. The bigger picture is being alive. The bigger picture is living to see another day.

Now……here is my plea to you. Start with that. Start with being grateful that you are alive. Before you take stock of everything else in your life, take cognisance of the breath that you are able to take. A lot of people didn’t make it this morning. Millions didn’t see the sun rise this morning. And they would have been so grateful to do so.

Before you complain about all that you don’t have….be thankful for all that you DO have. Somewhere out there, there is somebody on life support, as we speak. Hanging on to life by a thread. Somewhere out there, there is somebody waiting, praying for the phone to ring, telling them that they have found a healthy heart or a healthy kidney or liver that will save their lives. And they will give all their worldly goods, just to be healthy again.

So, if you happen to have your health….trust me, you are fortunate already.

Before you complain that you don’t have the fancy house and cars that you feel you deserve, take a minute to think about the homeless person, who calls a cardboard box his bed. The homeless woman who lives under a bridge. The child who was abandoned this morning and may never experience a mother’s love.

I am not here to preach. Lord knows I am far from being a preacher. But one thing I do know is that, I am as guilty as the next man of getting so caught up in all that I don’t have, that I often forget about all that I DO have.

Here is MY epiphany: Towards the end of last year, through the Wakeup Woman Group  http://www.facebook.com/groups/456627244360205/  I came up with the crazy idea of collecting Christmas gifts for the underprivileged. We discussed it within the group and decided to include the following, in our gift pack: 1. A Facecloth. 2. A bar of soap. 3. A Toothbrush. 4. A tube of Toothpaste. 5. An item of clothing. 6. A toy. You wrap all these in a shoebox and gift wrap it and viola! You have a gift to present to a child.

Somehow, miraculously, we were able to gather or buy 54 gift boxes for the 54 children at Ethembeni Orphanage in Doornfontein. And it became one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done in my life.  All I did was to use what resources I had, what little influence I have on the social media and somehow, we made it happen.

I have found my purpose. To be a philanthropist. I have said so many times that you don’t need to be wealthy to be a philanthropist. Sometimes all you need to do is to turn ONE person’s frown into a smile. Sometimes all you need to give is your smile. Your time. Give a smile to somebody who needs it and somehow, YOUR smiles will be multiplied as well.

This year, I’d like to take it to the next level. If I can get people who can “adopt a child”. Pay for ONE child’s survival per month. To all those who are blessed, spending R500 to make sure that one child gets fed for a month….that is small change to you, but it is survival to one child. R500 is what you spend on a Friday night at News Café. It is very easy to give.

But let’s not limit it to those with a lot of money. Every little bit counts. And even if you have nothing to contribute….even your TIME is valuable. Help raise funds. Talk to companies. Companies always have Social Responsibility Programmes where they are more than welcome to help.

Speaking of time…..if you are able to pop in and see the children. Play with them for a few minutes. As you can imagine, the staff at an orphanage are often busy. They are exhausted by the end of every day. They really could use somebody to just come in and play with the children for 30 minutes. Imagine looking after 54 children aged 0-3 years old.  If you are a parent, you KNOW what a handful just ONE toddler can be.

As I have said…I have found MY purpose. And I am grateful to have done so without having a near death experience.

Count your blessings today.

13 Day Diet.....(Does it live up to the hype?)

The month of December has always been a bit of a mixed blessing for me. My birthday falls smack in the middle of the month. Then of course, there is Christmas and all the wonderful festivities that come with December. That's the good part.

However....the down side is: you drink so much and eat so much that inevitably you find yourself literally ballooning in size when the new year comes.

So.....I decided to try this 13 Day Metabolism Diet. Some call it 13 Days of hell, so I asked myself: "How bad can it really be?" So, when Domina decided to go on this diet, I rose to the challenge and joined her. Yes, the 5kg that I picked up during December also had something to do with it.

Apparently, they say that this diet improves your metabolism. You lose between 9kg and 20kg in the 13 days. And because of your much improved metabolism, the weight stays off. Even after you have gone back to normal eating. Look, I think it stands to reason that you can't eat the way I was eating throughout December and expect NOT to gain any weight. But if you eat a fair amount, you will keep the weight off.
They are also very adamant that if you cheat even slightly, you will lose all benefits of this diet. Every single thing on the diet has been put there for a reason. So behave! I am not even allowed to suck on a mint. If I feel my breath getting a bit funky (which inevitably it will, from hunger), I have to brush my teeth. Not even "sugar free" gum is allowed.

So, let's see if it will live up to the expectation:



Saturday 05 January 2013 (Day 1)
Starting Weight: 87.0 Kg

My first problem....I don't drink coffee. I can't. I have not touched caffeine in 12 years. And I'll be damned if I am going to fall off the wagon over some diet. So, we agreed that I would substitute coffee with Green Tea. Which tastes quite rubbish, really. Second problem, I noticed that there is ham on it. I don't eat pork, either. So we substituted that with chicken slices. I really hope none of that messes up my results. Third problem (sort off) is that I have to drink at least two litres of water per day. I think I drank 2 litres of water the whole of 2012. I HATE drinking water. That stuff tastes awful. Who drinks that?

Breakfast: Green Tea for breakfast. Awful! But not a train smash. 

Lunch: Boiled spinach (yuck), tomato and 2 boiled eggs. That was not bad at all. And I had dinner to look forward to. 

Dinner: Green salad (lettuce, cucumber, green pepper, raw mushrooms with balsamic vinegar mixed with some lemon juice) and (thankfully) a grilled 200g steak. Very tasty and filling. Half way through it I was full. But I knew it would be AGES before I get the next meal. So i soldiered on very bravely.

Honestly....not a bad start at all. My energy levels were quite high. Didn't really have any hunger pangs at all. So I am very upbeat. Great start this....

Sunday 06 January 2013 (Day 2)

Weight: 86.1 Kg (1kg lost)

The weight loss is not staggering. But, hey! it's a start. Even if I lose the weight at this rate throughout the 13 day period, I will end up at 74 Kg. Which would be fantastic. My belly measured a HEFTY 101 cm when I started. I really want to see what that will read on day 13.

Breakfast: Once again....Green Tea. I am anxiously waiting for lunch time!
Lunch: 200g of ham (or in my case, shaved chicken slices) and 100g tub of plain yoghurt. I enjoyed that, actually. Honestly, most of this diet, I think I will be able to carry over into my normal routine.
Dinner: Green Salad and 200g steak again. Tasted awesome!

I must mention, in the interests of full disclosure, that Domina walked in, just before lunch time and announced that she is DONE. She quits, and she wants pizza for dinner. I was quite hungry during the day...but the lunch helped. Worse still, I had to go see some friends and they had a massive cheese platter on the table and ice cold Heineken! I sat with them for a full hour, salivating at the contents of the table, drinking my ice cold water.....and I lived.

On my way back, I had to pick up Domina's pizza. And drive with it in the car. BUT I lived.

I absolutely loved my dinner! And I attacked my steak voraciously. Can't wait for Day 3.

Monday 07 January 2013 (Day 3)
Weight: 84.9 Kg (2kg lost)

Breakfast: Green Tea and a slice of wholewheat toast. Some versions of the diet say that you can put a bit of butter on the toast. While some say that you can have as much toast as you want. I'll stick to a maximum of 2 dry slices. Just for control. Today, I had one only.

By 10h00, I regretted having one slice of wholewheat for breakfast, as I felt my stomach rumbling. But just like a person feeling some muscle pain after gym, I enjoyed the hunger pangs, as I imagined that the rumbling was just fat melting from my stomach and muscles forming. Hey, one can only dream. If you won't endure the pain of situps and crunches, the least you can do is endure some hunger pangs. That's my logic.

Lunch: Two boiled eggs and a green salad with tomato. NOT great. But at least, I was full. And I loved the fact that I have lost 2 full Kg's in 2 days. That was really inspiring. So much so, that I decided to go for a 4km jog, in the blistering heat, in the middle of the day. That was incredibly stupid! But I enjoyed it nonetheless. Until I got back and discovered what dinner is. I have just burnt off all the lunch that I ate and now I discover that tonight's dinner is the lightest so far. If anybody sees me walking towards McDonalds at 22h00 tonight, don't get in my way. I WILL be deranged!

Dinner: 1 Slice of ham (or chicken in my case) a green salad and a fruit. Really? NO grown man should be made to eat like this. Certainly none that had such a measly breakfast and lunch. AND foolishly went for a jog. I swear, if I don't have abs like Usher at the end of these 13 days, there WILL be trouble.

But I am staying strong. Let's see what happens at 10 tonight. PS: The Indian neighbours are cooking up a STORM, right now. I may have to kill them all.

Tuesday 08 January 2013 (Day 4)
Weight: 84.5 Kg (a disappointing 0.4Kg)

Ok, so I wake up quite grumpy. I went to bed hungry and my energy levels were not at their best. But I was very positive. I figure: If I managed to lose 2 Kg in 2 days,  while eating steak, hell, I have probably lost 4kg overnight, with the measly meals I ate yesterday.

So, you can imagine my surprise when I discovered I lost a measly 400g. I am FUMING! This is the closest I have ever come to just calling it a day and just buying myself a slice of cheese cake. Dammit!

Anyway, I must soldier on. So, I just had the usual breakfast, a cup of tea and 4 (yes, FOUR) slices of wholewheat crackerbread. And that was the highlight of the morning.

Lunch time: It gets worse. Damn carrots. That's it. Carrots. Nothing more.

 Dinner: A fruit salad and 200g of plain yoghurt. In the words of Tupac...."I see death around the corner"
The only thing keeping me sane right now, is the thought of tomorrow. Tomorrow's lunch and dinner are going to be amazing. I am salivating at the very thought.

Right now, all that is keeping me on this diet is willpower. Oh, and the fact that I have gone public with it, so my failure would be equally public. So.....I am staying on.

Blacks are an inferior race....

"THE FOLLOWING is a speech made by former South African President P.W. Botha to his Cabinet. This reprint was written by David G. Mailu for the Sunday Times, a South African newspaper, dated August 18, 1985.

"Pretoria has been made by the White mind for the White man. We are not obliged even the least to try to prove to anybody and to the Blacks that we are superior people. We have demonstrated that to the Blacks in a thousand and one ways. The Republic of South Africa that we know of today has not been created by wishful thinking. We have created it at the expense of intelligence, sweat and blood. Were they Afrikaners who tried to eliminate the Australian Aborigines? Are they Afrikaners who discriminate against Blacks and call them Niggers in the States? Were they Afrikaners who started the slave trade? Where is the Black man appreciated? England discriminates against its Black and their "Sus" law is out to discipline the Blacks. Canada, France, Russia, and Japan all play their discrimination too. Why in the hell then is so much noise made about us? Why are they biased against us? I am simply trying to prove to you all that there is nothing unusual we are doing that the so called civilized worlds are not doing. We are simply an honest people who have come out aloud with a clear philosophy of how we want to live our own White life.

We do not pretend like other Whites that we like Blacks. The fact that, Blacks look like human beings and act like human beings do not necessarily make them sensible human beings. Hedgehogs are not porcupines and lizards are not crocodiles simply because they look alike. If God wanted us to be equal to the Blacks, he would have created us all of a uniform colour and intellect. But he created us differently: Whites, Blacks, Yellow, Rulers and the ruled. Intellectually, we are superior to the Blacks; that has been proven beyond any reasonable doubt over the years. I believe that the Afrikaner is an honest, God fearing person, who has demonstrated practically the right way of being. Nevertheless, it is comforting to know that behind the scenes, Europe, America, Canada, Australia-and all others are behind us in spite of what they say. For diplomatic relations, we all know what language should be used and where. To prove my point, Comrades, does anyone of you know a White country without an investment or interest in South Africa? Who buys our gold? Who buys our diamonds? Who trades with us? Who is helping us develop other nuclear weapon? The very truth is that we are their people and they are our people. It's a big secret. The strength of our economy is backed by America, Britain, Germany. It is our strong conviction, therefore, that the Black is the raw material for the White man. So Brothers and Sisters, let us join hands together to fight against this Black devil. I appeal to all Afrikaners to come out with any creative means of fighting this war. Surely God cannot forsake his own people whom we are.

By now every one of us has seen it practically that the Blacks cannot rule themselves. Give them guns and they will kill each other. They are good in nothing else but making noise, dancing, marrying many wives and indulging in sex. 

Let us all accept that the Black man is the symbol of poverty, mental inferiority, laziness and emotional incompetence. Isn't it plausible? therefore that the White man is created to rule the Black man? 


Come to think of what would happen one day if you woke up and on the throne sat a Kaffir! Can you imagine what would happen to our women?

Does anyone of you believe that the Blacks can rule this country?
Hence, we have good reasons to let them all-the Mandelas-rot in prison, and I think we should be commended for having kept them alive in spite of what we have at hand with which to finish them off. I wish to announce a number of new strategies that should be put to use to destroy this Black bug. We should now make use of the chemical weapon. Priority number one, we should not by all means allow any more increases of the Black population lest we be choked very soon. I have exciting news that our scientists have come with an efficient stuff. I am sending out more researchers to the field to identify as many venues as possible where the chemical weapons could be employed to combat any further population increases. The hospital is a very strategic opening, for example and should be fully utilized. The food supply channel should be used. We have enveloped excellent slow killing poisons and fertility destroyers. Our only fear is in case such stuff came into their hands as they are bound to start using it against us if you care to think of the many Blacks working for us in our homes.

However, we are doing the best we can to make sure that the stuff remains strictly in our hands. Secondly, most Blacks are vulnerable to money inducements. I have set aside a special fund to exploit this venue. The old trick of divide and rule is still very valid today. Our experts should work day and night to set the Black man against his fellowman. His inferior sense of morals can be exploited beautifully. And here is a creature that lacks foresight. There is a need for us to combat him in long term projections that he cannot suspect. The average Black does not plan his life beyond a year: that stance, for example, should be exploited. My special department is already working round the clock to come out with a long-term operation blueprint. I am also sending a special request to all Afrikaner mothers to double their birth rate. It may be necessary too to set up a population boom industry by putting up centers where we employ and support fully White young men and women to produce children for the nation. We are also investigating the merit of uterus rentals as a possible means of speeding up the growth of our population through surrogate mothers.

For the time being, we should also engage a higher gear to make sure that Black men are separated from their women and fines imposed upon married wives who bear illegitimate children.
I have a committee working on finding better methods of inciting Blacks against each other and encouraging murders among themselves. Murder cases among Blacks should bear very little punishment in order to encourage them.
My scientists have come up with a drug that could be smuggled into their brews to effect slow poisoning results and fertility destruction. Working through drinks and manufacturing of soft drinks geared to the Blacks, could promote the channels of reducing their population. Ours is not a war that we can use the atomic bomb to destroy the Blacks, so we must use our intelligence to effect this. The person-to-person encounter can be very effective.
As the records show that the Black man is dying to go to bed with the White woman, here is our unique opportunity. Our Sex Mercenary Squad should go out and camouflage with Apartheid Fighters while doing their operations quietly administering slow killing poison and fertility destroyers to those Blacks they thus befriend. 
We are modifying the Sex Mercenary Squad by introducing White men who should go for the militant Black woman and any other vulnerable Black woman. We have received a new supply of LovePeddlers from Europe and America who are desperate and too keen to take up the appointments.

My latest appeal is that the maternity hospital operations should be intensified. We are not paying those people to help bring Black babies to this world but to eliminate them on the very delivery moment. If this department worked very efficiently, a great deal could be achieved.

We are not obliged even the least to try to prove to anybody and to the Blacks that we are superior people. We have demonstrated that to the Blacks in a thousand and one ways."

Yes, we have a right to be angry and to be upset at such words. His ramblings are quite reminiscent of Adolf Hitler. And some of it seems almost comical, because it seems so far fetched. Either way, a lot of what he says is most likely a reflection of what some thought then and some probably think now.

I have one simple question to you all....are we proving Botha right or wrong?

Food Lover's Market Bryanston Nicolway (revisited)

I don't know if any of you have a bucket list. But I do. And every so often, I find myself doing something and then thinking "Damn! That should have been on my bucket list. I'd be ticking it off now."

Ok, for those who don't know, a Bucket List is a list that one writes, where they list things that they would like to do before they leave this earth. Before they are recalled by the maker. My list has all sorts of things, from the really simple like scoring the winning goal in a soccer match, to taking a drive down the Garden Route with my daughter in a convertible. The list is quite long and at times, quite silly. But it is my list.

However, I have never imagined that I would have "Eat a cheese platter with loads of international and local cheeses" on my bucket list. But, I must tell you, I should have.

I saw the cheese platter the last time I was at Food Lover's and I made mention of it in my last review. I also promised to definitely come back here to sample it.

The last time I was there, I came for a business meeting with some friends and really had a great experience. But, this time around, I brought the lovely PeeKay with me. Tall and leggy, with a face that belongs on a billboard somewhere, we made quite an entrance.

For those who didn't see, I was very impressed by the service the first time around. This time, it was even better. I didn't think they could do better, but they did.

Divine showed us to our table, gave us our menus and went away. Came back promptly for our drinks orders and the drinks were on the table in a flash. We decided to eat something, to have a meal before the platter, so we opted for open sandwiches. She had Chicken strips and bacon on a health bread and I had the Norwegian salmon and avo on ciabatta. Both absolutely incredible. I couldn't taste hers because it had bacon and she wouldn't taste mine because she was enjoying hers too much.

By the time the cheese platter arrived, one of the managers, Deon, had popped over for a quick chat. Very nice fellow. We had a brief chat before he moved on to greet the other patrons. With a big smile and a friendly word on his lips.

Ok....NOTHING could have prepared us for the arrival of the cheese platter. First of all, the chef, Chef Marvelous, brought it to our table himself. And you could see the heads turning as he walked over to our table. Even the waiters were admiring the presentation, because it looked fantastic. I swear, this pic does not do it justice, but we had to take a pic.

And it tasted as good as it looked. With an assortment of local and international cheeses, some capers, olives, crackers and sweet preserves on the side. We had quite a time trying to name as many of the cheeses as possible. That purple cheese in the pic, that is a cheese infused with red wine or port, rather. There is a dark green cheese that is not clearly visible in the pic, a Wasabi infused cheese. And a Sage based cheese. Some Camembert and some Stilton. An amazing cream cheese. And a Brie. Oh, it was absolutely incredible!  It was a LOT of fun, playing around with the flavours, mixing and matching the different tastes just to see what goes well with what.

It was really silly of us to do this on a full stomach, because, really, this would have been quite an experience all on its own.

Now, I am not going to say that you should add "Go have the cheese platter at Food Lover's Market" on your bucket list. But I AM going to say that I am truly glad that I managed to have this experience. And honestly, my bucket list would have been incomplete without it. I am going to write it on my list, then tick it off.

It truly is an experience! Go try it. Am REALLY tempted to actually go hold my Wakeup Woman Breakfast sessions there going forward.

Food Lover's Market Nicolway Bryanston

I have been sitting at this place for all of seven minutes and my butt hurts something awful. Admittedly, this is a common problem for me, when I have been sitting in the same spot for anything more than an hour. But seven minutes is a new record for me.

These hard plastic chairs are just wrong! On so many levels. You know the plastic chairs that they use at funerals? Those, just with a beautiful bronze glass like finish....

Back to the start....I have always loved the versatility of a Food Lover's Market, but have strangely never sat down at their restaurant. I mean, all that food under one roof is a dream (or a nightmare when you are trying to cut down). But on the positive side, the food is all healthy, so your conscience is fairly clear. 

So, when two guys requested i set up a meeting between us at Nicolway, I saw a great opportunity. I set the appointment up at Food Lover's Market and I arrived an hour early so I can go through the menu thoroughly and have a bite or two before they get here. 

I was greeted warmly at the entrance and promptly shown to my seat. Great start. Menus literally arrived with me when I sat down. Also very good. I ordered a lime milkshake and told my waiter that I was expecting two other guys and would thus be alone for a while. The shake arrived so quickly, I wondered if the waiter communicates telepathically with the kitchen. I have had cans of cool drink take five times as long to arrive. Very impressed again.

I have been craving a poached eggs with smoked salmon for all of five days, now. But I was thirty minutes late for their breakfast cut off time so I had to move on to their lunch menu. They have quite a nice spread of croissants, toasts, tramezzinis and open sandwiches on rye, ciabatta and something called  rustic white (whatever that is). For the rabbits, they have a few salads most notably, a smoked salmon salad which even I (a confirmed salad phobe) would have considered.

I opted for a lamb burger with avo and blue cheese....(hey! healthy can park for a minute!) And the burger was spectacular! Thick and juicy, crumbles in the mouth when you bite it. Absolutely amazing. You know that home cooked burger that uses REAL meat? This is it! Not the ones that taste like cardboard.

By the time the boys arrived, two of the three guys decided not to eat anything (really letting the team down). But Mkhize never disappoints. He ordered an avo and cheddar beef burger and he really enjoyed it. He went mute for a while because he was too busy eating!

I saw a cheese platter too late. Would have really loved to sample that and will definitely be looking at that next time. And of course, there is that sushi bar that I will have to try when I am here on my own.

Ambiance in the place is quite nice. Loads of housewives and really just an eclectic mix of clientele.

All in all, the place is very pleasant. And I would highly recommend it for food on the go. A quick lunch or afternoon meal.

Food: 5/5
Atmosphere: 4/5
Decor/ Seating: 3/5

Q: L, was it you i saw on the Glasfit ad yesterday? And the voice in the Engen ad?

A: Glasfit, yes. Engen, no.

Q: Why don't you have a talk show yet?

A: All in good time!

Q: Dear uncle L,I hear that se*ercise is also good for weight loss,so how many times per week should one do it?

A: As often as you can get it!

Q: my so called bf hasnt communicated with me for a mnth nw,so if i move on(date again)would that count as cheating since we haven't officially broken up?

A: Get closure. Call him, text him or whatever. If only to confirm that you two are no more. Obviously it also depends on what the last thing was that you said to each other.

Q: Speaking of bad se* yho linda I have it all the time my man can't f*** to save his life and I tried every style there is but still nothing changes. His Dic* gets soft after he gets inside me. What can I do to help him?

A: Men's Clinic! Quickly! Even a GP will help!

I Love Cake

Anybody who knows me will tell you just how much I love cake. I am crazy about cheesecake. And I lose my mind over red velvet cake. And cupcakes. And my mom’s queen cakes. I love FOOD in general. And once I start, I consume COPIUOS amounts of it.

I am always amazed when I hear a big person say she is happy and she loves her fat. It inspires me and scares me at the same time. Loving yourself unconditionally is a beautiful thing. Especially when it comes to things you CANNOT change. But to love and accept something that you actually do have power over…astounding!

Here are my two favourites, in this regard. When Jeniffer Hudson first came out, in the days of Showgirls, Jen was a proud big girl. She gave hope to many big girls that you don’t have to be a size zero (whatever that is) to be popular in Hollywood. Her acting skills and her singing did all the talking.

Here’s another one: Mo’nique. Another proud fat sister. She was ghetto fabulous and proud. She told all the jokes about fat women and said that it is ok to be fat and proud.

And what did BOTH those sisters turn around and do? They went and lost weight! They pulled a Luther Vandross on us and they lost a LOT of weight!

They have both subsequently come out and said that they were very unhappy in their fat bodies and they only really got to do something about it once they had admitted that they were unhappy with being fat.

And honestly…as with many addictions: We all have to start with the admission that we have an unhealthy relationship with food.

There is a song I love by LL Cool J called 10 Million Stars where the interviewer asks him “Let’s talk about your body…how do you get to be so focused?” His response: “Mind Body and Soul. To live like a champion, you need to act like a champion. Standing in front of the mirror, with a cupcake in your mouth, talking about ‘I am tired of looking like this’….that don’t really work”

Now, before people jump down my throat…I am not talking about people who just had babies, or people with congenital illnesses. I am talking about the likes of me who just dig way too deep into the bowl. People who love their food. People who order super size then console themselves by ordering a diet coke. I remember asking on FB: “What did you have for lunch?” I kid you not, some people listed what one person could eat for a whole week!

So, fact….denial of the existence of a problem, that is never the solution. But, more importantly, identifying the problem, but doing nothing about it. Also useless.

I am often accused of being very insensitive when I ask the question: “Why does somebody only acknowledge the problem when they get to size 42?” If you were a size 32, then gradually grew to a 42….sorry, but what on earth were you thinking the whole time?

Let me tell you where it starts: Many people who are naturally thin will get used to the fact that they are naturally thin and that they can eat anything and never gain weight.  In fact, in our culture, our parents will be making an effort, feeding you like crazy, trying to take you from a size 26 that you are. And the day you start growing up and find yourself going from a size 26, to a 28….they will celebrate. And will keep feeding you. Finally, you are looking “healthy”. But the point is, as you grow older and your metabolism slows down, you are suddenly burning the food a lot slower. You are still eating a lot, but burning the food slower. Size 30.

Hey, 30 is still good. Even you are still happy. But the day you hit 42, you go…”I really need to do something about this weight” Really? You didn’t notice that things were going….ahem…pear shaped at let’s say…size 36?

I am not one to say the fight is lost, but I assure you, maintaining a 36 is a LOT less work and a lot easier than losing a 42.

The above story is (for the most part) all about me. When I got married, I was a size 28. And, I tell you now, a few months ago, when I tried on size 36 jeans at a shop, it broke my heart. That was me admitting defeat. And out of principle alone, I walked out of that shop and never bought them. Buying the next size up is admitting defeat.

I hated having a camera anywhere near me for a while. Rather ironic for somebody who partly makes a living from being in front of the camera. When I saw myself on Generations towards the end of the year, I literally wanted to hide from the world. I wanted to strangle anybody who showed up in front of me with a camera. I did NOT like what the camera was showing me. I stopped attending auditions, even when the Director specifically asked for me by name.

So first I stopped with the booze. And that helped in one regard...I wasn't gaining any more weight, but I was certainly not losing any either. I was starting to think I may have to just admit that I am a 36 now......I eventually decided to make the clothes I have in my wardrobe fit me. That made more sense than buying a whole new wardrobe. So, I took drastic steps. Nothing crazy that I can’t sustain. In the morning, I have a protein shake. It is a great food replacement and generally sustains me the entire day. In the afternoon/ early evening at around 6, I have my dinner. Normal dinner like everybody else.

I have it early enough to ensure that by the time I go to sleep, I am starting to feel hungry again. I LOVE those hunger pangs. Those say to me that I did not over eat.

The best part? I used to do that 5 days a week. Now that I am back at my target weight, I can cut that down to 2 days a week. The other 3 days, I can eat what I damn well please.

And the weight has stayed off. I confused my body. It never settles into a routine and as such, I have not picked up any weight.

No food on the face of the earth tastes as good as having a positive self image. I love cake, but not nearly as much as I love myself. I am going crazy, taking loads of pics right now, because…I love me again. 

Mini Coupe and Roadster

Mini Coupe and Roadster

They say everything is up to individual taste…some people love something while others hate it to bits. It was never so with the New Generation Mini. When BMW released the Mini Cooper in 2000, EVERYBODY loved it. There was not a single person who was not taken in by its charm.

I drove that car for a very brief period in my life and it was better than carrying a cute baby or a cute puppy. It was absolutely incredible. Everywhere I went, everybody either shot admiring glances or smiled and some even shot a thumbs up. It was THAT adorable! I felt like a rock star in that car. But a cute and cuddly rock star. I felt tall, I felt handsome, I felt sexy. But all of this while being cute and thus non-threatening. So, guys never felt the need to challenge me to a duel to the death. For that brief time, ladies wanted to be with me and the guys wanted to be me (sort of). I swear that car would have ended my marriage.

In short, the New Mini was everything for everybody. Yes, it had absolutely no leg room in the back, a flaw we were all willing to overlook. AND the front was far more spacious than the old Mini made by Leyland had ever been.

Fast forward to the current Mini Cooper Coupe and Cabrio…..Picture a fat American wearing a baseball cap, facing backwards. That’s what it looks like. It is still the Mini, but without the chiselled good looks of old. It is no longer cute because it is too old to be cute. It is just annoying. And it looks quite obnoxious, actually.

I won’t rattle off all the figures. But there has been a significant increase in size. Physically it is bigger than anything that has ever come from Mini. Yes, the Power output and Torque have been increased. But, I can tell you now, that extra grunt probably only serves to help carry the additional bulk.

These are nothing but first impressions. I will let you know once I have driven it…But, the future seems quite bleek, if you ask me.

Bleu De Chanel

There are two kinds of men, when it comes to fragrance: There are those that you can smell from across the room and those that you can smell only once you are in their personal space. The across the room guys are also the kind who will often get the most compliments about their cologne, despite the fact that most people GAG when they are up close.

See, with us personal space guys, if you are in the same room with us, you can’t even smell that we are wearing cologne. Whereas with the across the room guys, you will enjoy their fragrance when they are across the room, and you will choke when they are up close. They seem to take a bath in the cologne.
But Lord knows, I have an intense love affair with cologne. I wear it, not only when I am going out, but even on days when I am not going out. I feel incomplete without a dab of cologne on my chest. My outfit feels incomplete without a bit of cologne on my skin. However, I have always had one challenge. When I use the same cologne daily, I get sick of it. Literally. The smell makes me ill. So, I have reached the point where I have between five and ten different kinds of cologne at a time. And I jump around from one to the next. Interestingly, that also makes my cologne last longer. See, when you use the same cologne every single day, you end up building a tolerance to it and not smelling it on yourself, which inevitably makes you spray more and more of it on yourself.

Enter Bleu De Chanel…..

My relationship with the Chanel brand started years ago, when I was in high school. My dad used Chanel Pour Monsieur  and it was simply exquisite. I loved it so much, and of course, I was not allowed to touch it. I first wore it (officially) on the day of my Matric Dance. It was truly an amazing night for me.
When I left home for varsity, my dad surprised me with a bottle of Chanel. My very own bottle of Pour Monsieur. I am not joking when I say, that bottle lasted the entire four years that I was there. FOUR years! And I still kept the empty bottle as a keepsake for many years after that.

When I first started working, one of the number one things on my shopping list was a replacement bottle of Pour Monsieur. So, you can imagine my disappointment when I found out that Chanel were no longer bringing that fragrance into the country. I refused to even smell anything else.

Years later, I tried Allure, loved it. Tried Egoiste and loved it. And they became my next best thing to fill the void that was left by Pour Monsieur. It wasn’t until 2010, when Bleu De Chanel made it to the scene that I thought….”This is it!” I had found my signature scent. Bleu was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. Very clean, very fresh…it was like the most natural, most beautiful smell I had ever smelt.

When I wear Bleu, whoever hugs me does not want to let go. And whoever gets intimate with me…well…you get the picture. It has the most incredible effect on everybody that comes really close to me. I wish I could wear Bleu every single day, because it really is my signature scent.

PS: I did subsequently get a bottle of Pour Monsieur from Europe, but I assure you, it is purely for sentimental value. Bleu has eclipsed Pour Monsieur by far in terms of how good I feel when wearing it.
If you see me walking with a spring on my step and a mysterious smile on my face, it is not because I just had a morning glory. It is because I am wearing my Bleu De Chanel.

Q: Hey Uncle L...a friend was recently diagnosed with HIV and I don't like my reaction to the news..He trusted me enough to tell me and I behaved like a Dic*.any idea how I can make a mence to him

A: Look, it is never easy to talk to anybody about ones status. The scariest thing is always how people are going to react. Your friend trusted you enough to open up to you and you let him down. But I am sure he was not surprised. That is the biggest fear that everybody has. All you can do is go back to him and tell him that you got scared, and you freaked out. Apologise. And just be there for him. He will come around.

Skin on Skin (again)

 I'd like to meet ONE person who claims not to have been affected by AIDS somehow. Every day we are burying somebody because of it. Friend, neighbour, relative...whatever. Too many people, though, are perpetuating the problem with ignorance and with indifference. People are afraid of being judged for having AIDS...so, when somebody has pneumonia, which would have been curable had his CD4 count been high enough...they will still insist that they died of pneumonia and nothing more. As a result, you hardly ever hear of ANYBODY saying that they died of AIDS. It is true: AIDS does not kill anybody. It simply opens up the door for other diseases to kill you. As a result, a lot of people still live in denial about it. Hell, former President Mbeki made the irresponsible statement that he knew nobody personally who had died of AIDS. And, yes…he was correct. Nobody dies of AIDS. It simply opens you up for any and every other ailment to attack you. However, taken out of context, that statement can be taken to mean that he does not believe that AIDS kills people. Which it does.  

Now, as i said, I have buried many people who have died from AIDS related complications. But what pains me, what truly tears me apart is, so much of the death is just so unnecessary! Yes, no death is necessary....but when somebody dies of cancer, we say: nothing could have been done to prevent it. On the flip side, you see young people engaging in behaviour that puts them at risk of contracting HIV and THAT really bothers me. People go on like there is absolutely nothing they can do to prevent it. Girl…nobody is raping you. If you get raped and you contract HIV, my heart truly goes out to you. You are a victim. But if you have consensual sex with somebody and then turn around and say “He didn’t want to put it on…” Sorry…I feel NO pity for you. You didn’t try hard enough. If you adopt a no glove no love stance, believe me, he will have to know….he is either covering his man meat or keeping it away from you. Finish and klaar. You DO have a choice!

I think the older generation is a bit of a lost cause. They are set in their ways and there is no way I could convince a man my dad's age to wear a condom. Nor could I convince an older woman who KNOWS that her husband is sleeping around left right and centre to make him wear a condom.

However, the people I speak to on social networks are (usually) young and belong to a different generation. And THEY are the people who can break this cycle. And this they can start by changing their attitude. If you are at Campus Square Pharmacy buying the morning after pill on a Monday morning....you may have contracted HIV from that same sexual encounter. FACT. You don't need to have sex with somebody 5 times for them to infect you. So, the same sex that has you worried about being pregnant is the same sex that should have you worried about getting infected. So, what is the best thing? Prevention is ALWAYS better than cure. Make him wear a condom.

On a personal note....I got lucky. On so many levels. I grew up PETRIFIED of my dad and he told me, in no uncertain terms that if I ever get a girl pregnant while living in his house...No more school for me, I must move out, go get a job and support that child. That scared the hell out of me. When I became sexually active, I had never even heard of AIDS. All I feared was pregnancy. STD’s existed, but they scared me a LOT less than pregnancy. So...the day after my surprise first sex, I went and bought a pack of condoms. And for the next month I was scared shitless, waiting for the girl to tell me she had had her periods. I was 14. Couldn't concentrate in class, had nightmares at night. All of this despite the fact that I had pulled out just as I was ejaculating. When she eventually confirmed that she had her next periods, I finally breathed a sigh of relief. And I said NEVER AGAIN. Kept those condoms in my pocket for ever after that. It was a whole year before I had sex again....but I never ever went a day without condoms in my pockets again. And every time I had sex, I had a condom on. For me, I just never knew sex without a condom at all. I was conditioned that way. My friends all around me were getting STD’s and we would all laugh about it. It was proof that they were having sex, so getting gonorrhea was kinda “cool” in those days. And most of them DID get babies as teenagers. So, yes, in many ways, it is a case of me not missing something that I have never really had much of. So…when I use myself as an example, I am saying, it CAN be done. If I can do it, surely so can every other guy.

 While on the personal note...another reason I am actually cool with condoms is this: I love giving oral sex. Muffing. Cunnilingus. Whatever you choose to call it.I do this as foreplay, midplay, afterplay. Whenever. I'll stop mid-stroke, just to go back down there and do it again. Now....I absolutely HATE the thought of going down there if I have been busy ejaculating into it. That is quite a gross thought for me. So...I prefer the condom.

In conclusion, it really is a mind thing. If you respect your life and you don't know for sure what your partner is doing out there...the only way to make 100% certain that you are safe, is to take matters into your own hands and insist on a condom. Nobody spends ALL their time with their partners. I could tell you scary stories of married people having affairs in the office during office hours. Husband drops her off in the morning, picks her up in the afternoon, but all the things that she does at lunch time? Shocker. And believe me, I am not trying to come across as a saint. I know of these things because I have done them. Am not proud...but I KNOW what happens out there. 

So, your best bet is ALWAYS a condom. FACT. NO heat of the moment crap.

Q: So, you are single now? Can I take you on a date?

A: Sure.

Q: Malume uLinda what do i make of this?....my best friend always says ufuna siqabulane,even a baby kiss nje.

A: Usuke efuna ucansi. LOL! Girl, if you are not comfortable with the suggestion...just say no.

Q: Hi, L. Im forever thinking about se* even when I'm at work. Is that normal?

A: Well...what IS normal? Just as long as you can actually do your work, i guess.