The Tipping Dilemna

I was a waiter once. In the six months from varsity to my first proper job. As waiters go, i was pretty lousy. I forgot utensils and condiments ALL the time. But fortunately for me, i had a great backup team. My then wife and my cousin were colleagues and we always tag-teamed. I also always made up for my little flaws with personality. I smiled, i paid attention and i made menu recommendations. And i was very knowledgeable on the menu and wine. As a result, i was making more in a week, than i made in my first month at at my "real" job.

Most importantly, though, i learnt some valuable lessons. 1. Do not be rude to waitrons. 2.Always reward good service. 3. At the very least, reward PLEASANT service. I live by all the above, whenever i dine out.

Black people were and are notoriously bad tippers. That is an industry open secret. The ripple effect of that is, we will all be painted by the same brush. As a result, it is inevitable that a waiter will be five times more attentive and pleasant to a table occupied by the lighter shade, than they will to a darker hued table.

And herein lies the conundrum. If i get great service, i will reward the waiter handsomely and in the process slowly chip away at the stereotype. Good service will get the 10% bare minimum. That part is easy. However, what do i do with a surly waiter who got my order wrong three times?
If i don't tip at all, it will not teach him anything. His prejudices will still be in place, and he will continue to dish out bad service to all black patrons, while acting like a lovesick puppy to the next table who just happen to be white. On the other hand, it would NOT make sense for me to give him a tip, just because i want to prove that black people DO tip. That would just be rewarding bad service. So, what to do?

To this day, i have no answer. I have tried complaining to the manager, then giving 10%. And all that did was say to the guy "I feel bad about telling on you, so here's a tip to make up for it." I tried just tipping and never coming back to that place. But that is self-defeating on two levels. Firstly, i am now depriving myself of a place whose cuisine i probably really enjoyed. Secondly, i would have loved to come back and see if my little contribution has done anything to change this man's attitude.

So the only real option is to complain to him, the give him a 10% tip. Perhaps even mention right at the end that the tip would have been much better, had the service actually been good. Yes, it IS quite a condescending thing to do. But, heck, he brought it on himself with his bad service.