Blacks are an inferior race....

"THE FOLLOWING is a speech made by former South African President P.W. Botha to his Cabinet. This reprint was written by David G. Mailu for the Sunday Times, a South African newspaper, dated August 18, 1985.

"Pretoria has been made by the White mind for the White man. We are not obliged even the least to try to prove to anybody and to the Blacks that we are superior people. We have demonstrated that to the Blacks in a thousand and one ways. The Republic of South Africa that we know of today has not been created by wishful thinking. We have created it at the expense of intelligence, sweat and blood. Were they Afrikaners who tried to eliminate the Australian Aborigines? Are they Afrikaners who discriminate against Blacks and call them Niggers in the States? Were they Afrikaners who started the slave trade? Where is the Black man appreciated? England discriminates against its Black and their "Sus" law is out to discipline the Blacks. Canada, France, Russia, and Japan all play their discrimination too. Why in the hell then is so much noise made about us? Why are they biased against us? I am simply trying to prove to you all that there is nothing unusual we are doing that the so called civilized worlds are not doing. We are simply an honest people who have come out aloud with a clear philosophy of how we want to live our own White life.

We do not pretend like other Whites that we like Blacks. The fact that, Blacks look like human beings and act like human beings do not necessarily make them sensible human beings. Hedgehogs are not porcupines and lizards are not crocodiles simply because they look alike. If God wanted us to be equal to the Blacks, he would have created us all of a uniform colour and intellect. But he created us differently: Whites, Blacks, Yellow, Rulers and the ruled. Intellectually, we are superior to the Blacks; that has been proven beyond any reasonable doubt over the years. I believe that the Afrikaner is an honest, God fearing person, who has demonstrated practically the right way of being. Nevertheless, it is comforting to know that behind the scenes, Europe, America, Canada, Australia-and all others are behind us in spite of what they say. For diplomatic relations, we all know what language should be used and where. To prove my point, Comrades, does anyone of you know a White country without an investment or interest in South Africa? Who buys our gold? Who buys our diamonds? Who trades with us? Who is helping us develop other nuclear weapon? The very truth is that we are their people and they are our people. It's a big secret. The strength of our economy is backed by America, Britain, Germany. It is our strong conviction, therefore, that the Black is the raw material for the White man. So Brothers and Sisters, let us join hands together to fight against this Black devil. I appeal to all Afrikaners to come out with any creative means of fighting this war. Surely God cannot forsake his own people whom we are.

By now every one of us has seen it practically that the Blacks cannot rule themselves. Give them guns and they will kill each other. They are good in nothing else but making noise, dancing, marrying many wives and indulging in sex. 

Let us all accept that the Black man is the symbol of poverty, mental inferiority, laziness and emotional incompetence. Isn't it plausible? therefore that the White man is created to rule the Black man? 


Come to think of what would happen one day if you woke up and on the throne sat a Kaffir! Can you imagine what would happen to our women?

Does anyone of you believe that the Blacks can rule this country?
Hence, we have good reasons to let them all-the Mandelas-rot in prison, and I think we should be commended for having kept them alive in spite of what we have at hand with which to finish them off. I wish to announce a number of new strategies that should be put to use to destroy this Black bug. We should now make use of the chemical weapon. Priority number one, we should not by all means allow any more increases of the Black population lest we be choked very soon. I have exciting news that our scientists have come with an efficient stuff. I am sending out more researchers to the field to identify as many venues as possible where the chemical weapons could be employed to combat any further population increases. The hospital is a very strategic opening, for example and should be fully utilized. The food supply channel should be used. We have enveloped excellent slow killing poisons and fertility destroyers. Our only fear is in case such stuff came into their hands as they are bound to start using it against us if you care to think of the many Blacks working for us in our homes.

However, we are doing the best we can to make sure that the stuff remains strictly in our hands. Secondly, most Blacks are vulnerable to money inducements. I have set aside a special fund to exploit this venue. The old trick of divide and rule is still very valid today. Our experts should work day and night to set the Black man against his fellowman. His inferior sense of morals can be exploited beautifully. And here is a creature that lacks foresight. There is a need for us to combat him in long term projections that he cannot suspect. The average Black does not plan his life beyond a year: that stance, for example, should be exploited. My special department is already working round the clock to come out with a long-term operation blueprint. I am also sending a special request to all Afrikaner mothers to double their birth rate. It may be necessary too to set up a population boom industry by putting up centers where we employ and support fully White young men and women to produce children for the nation. We are also investigating the merit of uterus rentals as a possible means of speeding up the growth of our population through surrogate mothers.

For the time being, we should also engage a higher gear to make sure that Black men are separated from their women and fines imposed upon married wives who bear illegitimate children.
I have a committee working on finding better methods of inciting Blacks against each other and encouraging murders among themselves. Murder cases among Blacks should bear very little punishment in order to encourage them.
My scientists have come up with a drug that could be smuggled into their brews to effect slow poisoning results and fertility destruction. Working through drinks and manufacturing of soft drinks geared to the Blacks, could promote the channels of reducing their population. Ours is not a war that we can use the atomic bomb to destroy the Blacks, so we must use our intelligence to effect this. The person-to-person encounter can be very effective.
As the records show that the Black man is dying to go to bed with the White woman, here is our unique opportunity. Our Sex Mercenary Squad should go out and camouflage with Apartheid Fighters while doing their operations quietly administering slow killing poison and fertility destroyers to those Blacks they thus befriend. 
We are modifying the Sex Mercenary Squad by introducing White men who should go for the militant Black woman and any other vulnerable Black woman. We have received a new supply of LovePeddlers from Europe and America who are desperate and too keen to take up the appointments.

My latest appeal is that the maternity hospital operations should be intensified. We are not paying those people to help bring Black babies to this world but to eliminate them on the very delivery moment. If this department worked very efficiently, a great deal could be achieved.

We are not obliged even the least to try to prove to anybody and to the Blacks that we are superior people. We have demonstrated that to the Blacks in a thousand and one ways."

Yes, we have a right to be angry and to be upset at such words. His ramblings are quite reminiscent of Adolf Hitler. And some of it seems almost comical, because it seems so far fetched. Either way, a lot of what he says is most likely a reflection of what some thought then and some probably think now.

I have one simple question to you all....are we proving Botha right or wrong?

Food Lover's Market Bryanston Nicolway (revisited)

I don't know if any of you have a bucket list. But I do. And every so often, I find myself doing something and then thinking "Damn! That should have been on my bucket list. I'd be ticking it off now."

Ok, for those who don't know, a Bucket List is a list that one writes, where they list things that they would like to do before they leave this earth. Before they are recalled by the maker. My list has all sorts of things, from the really simple like scoring the winning goal in a soccer match, to taking a drive down the Garden Route with my daughter in a convertible. The list is quite long and at times, quite silly. But it is my list.

However, I have never imagined that I would have "Eat a cheese platter with loads of international and local cheeses" on my bucket list. But, I must tell you, I should have.

I saw the cheese platter the last time I was at Food Lover's and I made mention of it in my last review. I also promised to definitely come back here to sample it.

The last time I was there, I came for a business meeting with some friends and really had a great experience. But, this time around, I brought the lovely PeeKay with me. Tall and leggy, with a face that belongs on a billboard somewhere, we made quite an entrance.

For those who didn't see, I was very impressed by the service the first time around. This time, it was even better. I didn't think they could do better, but they did.

Divine showed us to our table, gave us our menus and went away. Came back promptly for our drinks orders and the drinks were on the table in a flash. We decided to eat something, to have a meal before the platter, so we opted for open sandwiches. She had Chicken strips and bacon on a health bread and I had the Norwegian salmon and avo on ciabatta. Both absolutely incredible. I couldn't taste hers because it had bacon and she wouldn't taste mine because she was enjoying hers too much.

By the time the cheese platter arrived, one of the managers, Deon, had popped over for a quick chat. Very nice fellow. We had a brief chat before he moved on to greet the other patrons. With a big smile and a friendly word on his lips.

Ok....NOTHING could have prepared us for the arrival of the cheese platter. First of all, the chef, Chef Marvelous, brought it to our table himself. And you could see the heads turning as he walked over to our table. Even the waiters were admiring the presentation, because it looked fantastic. I swear, this pic does not do it justice, but we had to take a pic.

And it tasted as good as it looked. With an assortment of local and international cheeses, some capers, olives, crackers and sweet preserves on the side. We had quite a time trying to name as many of the cheeses as possible. That purple cheese in the pic, that is a cheese infused with red wine or port, rather. There is a dark green cheese that is not clearly visible in the pic, a Wasabi infused cheese. And a Sage based cheese. Some Camembert and some Stilton. An amazing cream cheese. And a Brie. Oh, it was absolutely incredible!  It was a LOT of fun, playing around with the flavours, mixing and matching the different tastes just to see what goes well with what.

It was really silly of us to do this on a full stomach, because, really, this would have been quite an experience all on its own.

Now, I am not going to say that you should add "Go have the cheese platter at Food Lover's Market" on your bucket list. But I AM going to say that I am truly glad that I managed to have this experience. And honestly, my bucket list would have been incomplete without it. I am going to write it on my list, then tick it off.

It truly is an experience! Go try it. Am REALLY tempted to actually go hold my Wakeup Woman Breakfast sessions there going forward.

Food Lover's Market Nicolway Bryanston

I have been sitting at this place for all of seven minutes and my butt hurts something awful. Admittedly, this is a common problem for me, when I have been sitting in the same spot for anything more than an hour. But seven minutes is a new record for me.

These hard plastic chairs are just wrong! On so many levels. You know the plastic chairs that they use at funerals? Those, just with a beautiful bronze glass like finish....

Back to the start....I have always loved the versatility of a Food Lover's Market, but have strangely never sat down at their restaurant. I mean, all that food under one roof is a dream (or a nightmare when you are trying to cut down). But on the positive side, the food is all healthy, so your conscience is fairly clear. 

So, when two guys requested i set up a meeting between us at Nicolway, I saw a great opportunity. I set the appointment up at Food Lover's Market and I arrived an hour early so I can go through the menu thoroughly and have a bite or two before they get here. 

I was greeted warmly at the entrance and promptly shown to my seat. Great start. Menus literally arrived with me when I sat down. Also very good. I ordered a lime milkshake and told my waiter that I was expecting two other guys and would thus be alone for a while. The shake arrived so quickly, I wondered if the waiter communicates telepathically with the kitchen. I have had cans of cool drink take five times as long to arrive. Very impressed again.

I have been craving a poached eggs with smoked salmon for all of five days, now. But I was thirty minutes late for their breakfast cut off time so I had to move on to their lunch menu. They have quite a nice spread of croissants, toasts, tramezzinis and open sandwiches on rye, ciabatta and something called  rustic white (whatever that is). For the rabbits, they have a few salads most notably, a smoked salmon salad which even I (a confirmed salad phobe) would have considered.

I opted for a lamb burger with avo and blue cheese....(hey! healthy can park for a minute!) And the burger was spectacular! Thick and juicy, crumbles in the mouth when you bite it. Absolutely amazing. You know that home cooked burger that uses REAL meat? This is it! Not the ones that taste like cardboard.

By the time the boys arrived, two of the three guys decided not to eat anything (really letting the team down). But Mkhize never disappoints. He ordered an avo and cheddar beef burger and he really enjoyed it. He went mute for a while because he was too busy eating!

I saw a cheese platter too late. Would have really loved to sample that and will definitely be looking at that next time. And of course, there is that sushi bar that I will have to try when I am here on my own.

Ambiance in the place is quite nice. Loads of housewives and really just an eclectic mix of clientele.

All in all, the place is very pleasant. And I would highly recommend it for food on the go. A quick lunch or afternoon meal.

Food: 5/5
Atmosphere: 4/5
Decor/ Seating: 3/5

Q: L, was it you i saw on the Glasfit ad yesterday? And the voice in the Engen ad?

A: Glasfit, yes. Engen, no.

Q: Why don't you have a talk show yet?

A: All in good time!

Q: Dear uncle L,I hear that se*ercise is also good for weight loss,so how many times per week should one do it?

A: As often as you can get it!

Q: my so called bf hasnt communicated with me for a mnth nw,so if i move on(date again)would that count as cheating since we haven't officially broken up?

A: Get closure. Call him, text him or whatever. If only to confirm that you two are no more. Obviously it also depends on what the last thing was that you said to each other.

Q: Speaking of bad se* yho linda I have it all the time my man can't f*** to save his life and I tried every style there is but still nothing changes. His Dic* gets soft after he gets inside me. What can I do to help him?

A: Men's Clinic! Quickly! Even a GP will help!

I Love Cake

Anybody who knows me will tell you just how much I love cake. I am crazy about cheesecake. And I lose my mind over red velvet cake. And cupcakes. And my mom’s queen cakes. I love FOOD in general. And once I start, I consume COPIUOS amounts of it.

I am always amazed when I hear a big person say she is happy and she loves her fat. It inspires me and scares me at the same time. Loving yourself unconditionally is a beautiful thing. Especially when it comes to things you CANNOT change. But to love and accept something that you actually do have power over…astounding!

Here are my two favourites, in this regard. When Jeniffer Hudson first came out, in the days of Showgirls, Jen was a proud big girl. She gave hope to many big girls that you don’t have to be a size zero (whatever that is) to be popular in Hollywood. Her acting skills and her singing did all the talking.

Here’s another one: Mo’nique. Another proud fat sister. She was ghetto fabulous and proud. She told all the jokes about fat women and said that it is ok to be fat and proud.

And what did BOTH those sisters turn around and do? They went and lost weight! They pulled a Luther Vandross on us and they lost a LOT of weight!

They have both subsequently come out and said that they were very unhappy in their fat bodies and they only really got to do something about it once they had admitted that they were unhappy with being fat.

And honestly…as with many addictions: We all have to start with the admission that we have an unhealthy relationship with food.

There is a song I love by LL Cool J called 10 Million Stars where the interviewer asks him “Let’s talk about your body…how do you get to be so focused?” His response: “Mind Body and Soul. To live like a champion, you need to act like a champion. Standing in front of the mirror, with a cupcake in your mouth, talking about ‘I am tired of looking like this’….that don’t really work”

Now, before people jump down my throat…I am not talking about people who just had babies, or people with congenital illnesses. I am talking about the likes of me who just dig way too deep into the bowl. People who love their food. People who order super size then console themselves by ordering a diet coke. I remember asking on FB: “What did you have for lunch?” I kid you not, some people listed what one person could eat for a whole week!

So, fact….denial of the existence of a problem, that is never the solution. But, more importantly, identifying the problem, but doing nothing about it. Also useless.

I am often accused of being very insensitive when I ask the question: “Why does somebody only acknowledge the problem when they get to size 42?” If you were a size 32, then gradually grew to a 42….sorry, but what on earth were you thinking the whole time?

Let me tell you where it starts: Many people who are naturally thin will get used to the fact that they are naturally thin and that they can eat anything and never gain weight.  In fact, in our culture, our parents will be making an effort, feeding you like crazy, trying to take you from a size 26 that you are. And the day you start growing up and find yourself going from a size 26, to a 28….they will celebrate. And will keep feeding you. Finally, you are looking “healthy”. But the point is, as you grow older and your metabolism slows down, you are suddenly burning the food a lot slower. You are still eating a lot, but burning the food slower. Size 30.

Hey, 30 is still good. Even you are still happy. But the day you hit 42, you go…”I really need to do something about this weight” Really? You didn’t notice that things were going….ahem…pear shaped at let’s say…size 36?

I am not one to say the fight is lost, but I assure you, maintaining a 36 is a LOT less work and a lot easier than losing a 42.

The above story is (for the most part) all about me. When I got married, I was a size 28. And, I tell you now, a few months ago, when I tried on size 36 jeans at a shop, it broke my heart. That was me admitting defeat. And out of principle alone, I walked out of that shop and never bought them. Buying the next size up is admitting defeat.

I hated having a camera anywhere near me for a while. Rather ironic for somebody who partly makes a living from being in front of the camera. When I saw myself on Generations towards the end of the year, I literally wanted to hide from the world. I wanted to strangle anybody who showed up in front of me with a camera. I did NOT like what the camera was showing me. I stopped attending auditions, even when the Director specifically asked for me by name.

So first I stopped with the booze. And that helped in one regard...I wasn't gaining any more weight, but I was certainly not losing any either. I was starting to think I may have to just admit that I am a 36 now......I eventually decided to make the clothes I have in my wardrobe fit me. That made more sense than buying a whole new wardrobe. So, I took drastic steps. Nothing crazy that I can’t sustain. In the morning, I have a protein shake. It is a great food replacement and generally sustains me the entire day. In the afternoon/ early evening at around 6, I have my dinner. Normal dinner like everybody else.

I have it early enough to ensure that by the time I go to sleep, I am starting to feel hungry again. I LOVE those hunger pangs. Those say to me that I did not over eat.

The best part? I used to do that 5 days a week. Now that I am back at my target weight, I can cut that down to 2 days a week. The other 3 days, I can eat what I damn well please.

And the weight has stayed off. I confused my body. It never settles into a routine and as such, I have not picked up any weight.

No food on the face of the earth tastes as good as having a positive self image. I love cake, but not nearly as much as I love myself. I am going crazy, taking loads of pics right now, because…I love me again. 

Mini Coupe and Roadster

Mini Coupe and Roadster

They say everything is up to individual taste…some people love something while others hate it to bits. It was never so with the New Generation Mini. When BMW released the Mini Cooper in 2000, EVERYBODY loved it. There was not a single person who was not taken in by its charm.

I drove that car for a very brief period in my life and it was better than carrying a cute baby or a cute puppy. It was absolutely incredible. Everywhere I went, everybody either shot admiring glances or smiled and some even shot a thumbs up. It was THAT adorable! I felt like a rock star in that car. But a cute and cuddly rock star. I felt tall, I felt handsome, I felt sexy. But all of this while being cute and thus non-threatening. So, guys never felt the need to challenge me to a duel to the death. For that brief time, ladies wanted to be with me and the guys wanted to be me (sort of). I swear that car would have ended my marriage.

In short, the New Mini was everything for everybody. Yes, it had absolutely no leg room in the back, a flaw we were all willing to overlook. AND the front was far more spacious than the old Mini made by Leyland had ever been.

Fast forward to the current Mini Cooper Coupe and Cabrio…..Picture a fat American wearing a baseball cap, facing backwards. That’s what it looks like. It is still the Mini, but without the chiselled good looks of old. It is no longer cute because it is too old to be cute. It is just annoying. And it looks quite obnoxious, actually.

I won’t rattle off all the figures. But there has been a significant increase in size. Physically it is bigger than anything that has ever come from Mini. Yes, the Power output and Torque have been increased. But, I can tell you now, that extra grunt probably only serves to help carry the additional bulk.

These are nothing but first impressions. I will let you know once I have driven it…But, the future seems quite bleek, if you ask me.

Bleu De Chanel

There are two kinds of men, when it comes to fragrance: There are those that you can smell from across the room and those that you can smell only once you are in their personal space. The across the room guys are also the kind who will often get the most compliments about their cologne, despite the fact that most people GAG when they are up close.

See, with us personal space guys, if you are in the same room with us, you can’t even smell that we are wearing cologne. Whereas with the across the room guys, you will enjoy their fragrance when they are across the room, and you will choke when they are up close. They seem to take a bath in the cologne.
But Lord knows, I have an intense love affair with cologne. I wear it, not only when I am going out, but even on days when I am not going out. I feel incomplete without a dab of cologne on my chest. My outfit feels incomplete without a bit of cologne on my skin. However, I have always had one challenge. When I use the same cologne daily, I get sick of it. Literally. The smell makes me ill. So, I have reached the point where I have between five and ten different kinds of cologne at a time. And I jump around from one to the next. Interestingly, that also makes my cologne last longer. See, when you use the same cologne every single day, you end up building a tolerance to it and not smelling it on yourself, which inevitably makes you spray more and more of it on yourself.

Enter Bleu De Chanel…..

My relationship with the Chanel brand started years ago, when I was in high school. My dad used Chanel Pour Monsieur  and it was simply exquisite. I loved it so much, and of course, I was not allowed to touch it. I first wore it (officially) on the day of my Matric Dance. It was truly an amazing night for me.
When I left home for varsity, my dad surprised me with a bottle of Chanel. My very own bottle of Pour Monsieur. I am not joking when I say, that bottle lasted the entire four years that I was there. FOUR years! And I still kept the empty bottle as a keepsake for many years after that.

When I first started working, one of the number one things on my shopping list was a replacement bottle of Pour Monsieur. So, you can imagine my disappointment when I found out that Chanel were no longer bringing that fragrance into the country. I refused to even smell anything else.

Years later, I tried Allure, loved it. Tried Egoiste and loved it. And they became my next best thing to fill the void that was left by Pour Monsieur. It wasn’t until 2010, when Bleu De Chanel made it to the scene that I thought….”This is it!” I had found my signature scent. Bleu was unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. Very clean, very fresh…it was like the most natural, most beautiful smell I had ever smelt.

When I wear Bleu, whoever hugs me does not want to let go. And whoever gets intimate with me…well…you get the picture. It has the most incredible effect on everybody that comes really close to me. I wish I could wear Bleu every single day, because it really is my signature scent.

PS: I did subsequently get a bottle of Pour Monsieur from Europe, but I assure you, it is purely for sentimental value. Bleu has eclipsed Pour Monsieur by far in terms of how good I feel when wearing it.
If you see me walking with a spring on my step and a mysterious smile on my face, it is not because I just had a morning glory. It is because I am wearing my Bleu De Chanel.

Q: Hey Uncle L...a friend was recently diagnosed with HIV and I don't like my reaction to the news..He trusted me enough to tell me and I behaved like a Dic*.any idea how I can make a mence to him

A: Look, it is never easy to talk to anybody about ones status. The scariest thing is always how people are going to react. Your friend trusted you enough to open up to you and you let him down. But I am sure he was not surprised. That is the biggest fear that everybody has. All you can do is go back to him and tell him that you got scared, and you freaked out. Apologise. And just be there for him. He will come around.

Skin on Skin (again)

 I'd like to meet ONE person who claims not to have been affected by AIDS somehow. Every day we are burying somebody because of it. Friend, neighbour, relative...whatever. Too many people, though, are perpetuating the problem with ignorance and with indifference. People are afraid of being judged for having AIDS...so, when somebody has pneumonia, which would have been curable had his CD4 count been high enough...they will still insist that they died of pneumonia and nothing more. As a result, you hardly ever hear of ANYBODY saying that they died of AIDS. It is true: AIDS does not kill anybody. It simply opens up the door for other diseases to kill you. As a result, a lot of people still live in denial about it. Hell, former President Mbeki made the irresponsible statement that he knew nobody personally who had died of AIDS. And, yes…he was correct. Nobody dies of AIDS. It simply opens you up for any and every other ailment to attack you. However, taken out of context, that statement can be taken to mean that he does not believe that AIDS kills people. Which it does.  

Now, as i said, I have buried many people who have died from AIDS related complications. But what pains me, what truly tears me apart is, so much of the death is just so unnecessary! Yes, no death is necessary....but when somebody dies of cancer, we say: nothing could have been done to prevent it. On the flip side, you see young people engaging in behaviour that puts them at risk of contracting HIV and THAT really bothers me. People go on like there is absolutely nothing they can do to prevent it. Girl…nobody is raping you. If you get raped and you contract HIV, my heart truly goes out to you. You are a victim. But if you have consensual sex with somebody and then turn around and say “He didn’t want to put it on…” Sorry…I feel NO pity for you. You didn’t try hard enough. If you adopt a no glove no love stance, believe me, he will have to know….he is either covering his man meat or keeping it away from you. Finish and klaar. You DO have a choice!

I think the older generation is a bit of a lost cause. They are set in their ways and there is no way I could convince a man my dad's age to wear a condom. Nor could I convince an older woman who KNOWS that her husband is sleeping around left right and centre to make him wear a condom.

However, the people I speak to on social networks are (usually) young and belong to a different generation. And THEY are the people who can break this cycle. And this they can start by changing their attitude. If you are at Campus Square Pharmacy buying the morning after pill on a Monday morning....you may have contracted HIV from that same sexual encounter. FACT. You don't need to have sex with somebody 5 times for them to infect you. So, the same sex that has you worried about being pregnant is the same sex that should have you worried about getting infected. So, what is the best thing? Prevention is ALWAYS better than cure. Make him wear a condom.

On a personal note....I got lucky. On so many levels. I grew up PETRIFIED of my dad and he told me, in no uncertain terms that if I ever get a girl pregnant while living in his house...No more school for me, I must move out, go get a job and support that child. That scared the hell out of me. When I became sexually active, I had never even heard of AIDS. All I feared was pregnancy. STD’s existed, but they scared me a LOT less than pregnancy. So...the day after my surprise first sex, I went and bought a pack of condoms. And for the next month I was scared shitless, waiting for the girl to tell me she had had her periods. I was 14. Couldn't concentrate in class, had nightmares at night. All of this despite the fact that I had pulled out just as I was ejaculating. When she eventually confirmed that she had her next periods, I finally breathed a sigh of relief. And I said NEVER AGAIN. Kept those condoms in my pocket for ever after that. It was a whole year before I had sex again....but I never ever went a day without condoms in my pockets again. And every time I had sex, I had a condom on. For me, I just never knew sex without a condom at all. I was conditioned that way. My friends all around me were getting STD’s and we would all laugh about it. It was proof that they were having sex, so getting gonorrhea was kinda “cool” in those days. And most of them DID get babies as teenagers. So, yes, in many ways, it is a case of me not missing something that I have never really had much of. So…when I use myself as an example, I am saying, it CAN be done. If I can do it, surely so can every other guy.

 While on the personal note...another reason I am actually cool with condoms is this: I love giving oral sex. Muffing. Cunnilingus. Whatever you choose to call it.I do this as foreplay, midplay, afterplay. Whenever. I'll stop mid-stroke, just to go back down there and do it again. Now....I absolutely HATE the thought of going down there if I have been busy ejaculating into it. That is quite a gross thought for me. So...I prefer the condom.

In conclusion, it really is a mind thing. If you respect your life and you don't know for sure what your partner is doing out there...the only way to make 100% certain that you are safe, is to take matters into your own hands and insist on a condom. Nobody spends ALL their time with their partners. I could tell you scary stories of married people having affairs in the office during office hours. Husband drops her off in the morning, picks her up in the afternoon, but all the things that she does at lunch time? Shocker. And believe me, I am not trying to come across as a saint. I know of these things because I have done them. Am not proud...but I KNOW what happens out there. 

So, your best bet is ALWAYS a condom. FACT. NO heat of the moment crap.

Q: So, you are single now? Can I take you on a date?

A: Sure.

Q: Malume uLinda what do i make of this?....my best friend always says ufuna siqabulane,even a baby kiss nje.

A: Usuke efuna ucansi. LOL! Girl, if you are not comfortable with the suggestion...just say no.

Q: Hi, L. Im forever thinking about se* even when I'm at work. Is that normal?

A: Well...what IS normal? Just as long as you can actually do your work, i guess.

Q: They way u going on about hiv and aids and the using of condoms. Is it somehow personal or you just decided to be an ambas*odor of the epidemic?

A: Somebody has to do it.

Q: If u were to go back and date ur ex's which one would it be?

A: An ex is an ex for a reason. So, NONE.

Q: hey Linda am a woman with 2 kids and am a size 40 my man is a size 32 and am worried about the size thing(how will we look like in 5years) the thing is he wants to marry me, his everything I have ever wanted in a man but in the wrong packaging. What do I do?

A: If i am understanding you correctly....he has no problem with your size. You have a problem with his. Am I right?

Q: Undengezi kamayebuka had how many wives ?

A: 38

If you're ready to learn....

Brian McKnight recently posted a video on YouTube entitled "If you're ready to learn...but we will all remember the song as the p*ussy song. We have all heard so many rappers and some of the more risque artists use the P word in their songs. But for Mr McKnight to use it came as a shock and a surprise to many. People were outraged! Here's the lyrics.....what's YOUR take?

Every time you give it up, you leave so unsatisfied.

Pointing the finger, the feelings that linger, leave you asking the question Why?

They talk a real good game, but they don’t know what a tongue is for.

They wine you and dine you, you let him untie you and you leave wanting more.

I did my post-grad in pussyology, so what I tell you might seem strange.

The things you don’t know about your physiology, you don’t have to be ashamed.

Chorus

Let meeee show you how your pussy works, since you didn’t bring it to me first.

I have lots of things to show you, if you’re ready to learn.

Let meeee show you how your pussy work, I becha didn’t know that it could squirt.

I have lots of things to show you, if you’re ready to learn.

Now...the question is....Has Brian lost his mind? For those who don't know, Brian McKnight holds the world record, at 16 of the most nominations without a win. I get the feeling he has just given up on a Grammy. When you have done songs like Anytime and Back At One and been repeatedly snubbed...well, you get to a point where you say; "I just don't give a F8ck. I"ll just do me" And honestly....I think that is where Brian is now. This song will probably never see the light of day. He was planning to release a mixtape of strictly "adult" tracks and released this one on YouTube to test the waters. People were VERY unhappy because they want him to stay within the realm that they are used to him in.

One thing is for sure...people are talking about Brian again after this. Everybody wants to see the video. Hey! He could have released a sex tape. This is way better. I quite enjoyed the song. But...I am open minded like that. I even enjoyed the title track on his Superhero album, which was as un-Brian as could be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_Sl1akAyas

I won the lotto

The first time I ever saw a Bentley Arnage, it was looking pitiful. It was filthy, covered in bird droppings and had clearly not moved in weeks.

I remember it like it was yesterday, visiting this lady’s house and listening to her complaining about her house. She had this Bentley parked in her yard and the car literally had bird poo all over it. It was parked right by the pool, and she mentioned that she just needs to move house because she has nowhere to park her car. See….her FOUR garages were already full with other cars. I was even afraid to ask what cars she had in there that needed shelter above a Bentley Arnage.

Good problem to have, that.

I must confess, I don’t aspire to that kind of wealth. I don’t want a mansion in the hills with twenty bedrooms. But I do want to be comfortable. I do want to have my own comfortable house in a golf estate (even though I refuse to play golf) and I want to have my two cars and my motorbike. Worst thing is….all these are long overdue. Anybody who knew me five, ten, fifteen, even twenty years ago would be shocked to discover that I don’t have all these….because I have always had the potential to have them. The one voted most likely to succeed.

I am not going to dwell on where it all went wrong, for now, (that is a topic for another day). I do, however, want to focus on all that is positive and what I should be doing about it.

You know those kids in the movies who have lemonade stands, then move on and become multi-millionaires when they grow up? That should have been me. I was ten years old when I started my first business. During school holidays, when other kids were in the street playing, I was at home working. Selling. We called them ice blocks in the hood. It was basically frozen mixed cool drinks, like Kool Aid and Sweeto that was always being sold all over the place. I used Sixxo. And, even back then I knew that I needed a USP (unique selling preposition). So, instead of using plastic bags to package my ice blocks, I used plastic cups. And I would pre-boil my mix for a few hours, because I found that it held the flavour for much longer when I did so. As a result, business was booming in summer. People would walk past many places that sold their ice blocks at 10c to come buy my product at 15c.

My next venture, was a stroke of genius. See, at about 14, I decided to take up Home Economics at school. So, suddenly, I knew how to cook and more importantly, I could bake a mean hot milk sponge cake. My chocolate cake had people visiting us all the time, just so they could sample it. And don’t get me started on my cheese scones…..to this day, over 20 years later, I am still asked for the recipe for those.

Whenever there were fund raisers at school, we would have cake sales or (more importantly) cake raffles. Where we would be asked to bake a cake, which would then be a prize at a raffle. And it hit me…..I baked the cake. I sold the raffle tickets. But the school got the money. Something is wrong here. So, after I saw how happy the winner was with the prize, I started holding weekly raffles. Sell 30 tickets, at R2 each, and just have a different winner every week. Bake a cake, which cost me nothing because I was using mom’s ingredients. And I would come out R60 on top, every single week. Brilliant! And to pay for the use of ingredients, I would generally bake two cakes. One for my clients and another for my mom. So, she was more than happy with the deal. And, of course, the clients were happy. They got to a point where people would buy four, five, six tickets per week. And of course, since I got to select the winner, I could even choose to have more than one winner per week, if I wanted to. That was Linda at fourteen.

With a mind like that, would you ever bet AGAINST me being successful in business?

Fast forward four years to my varsity years and it just so happened that my dad had some friends who came from Ghana. And they had these beautiful embroidered dresses that they were bringing in. At the time, those dresses were still fairly rare. I remember that Winnie Mandela popularised them. You only ever saw them on tv, with her wearing them. And I had the stash! I Started selling them to lecturers and to school teachers around Mankweng, the neighbourhood next to my university. It was nothing short of brilliant. And believe me, it made for amazing pocket money.

When I came out of varsity, I inevitably went and got a job, but the entrepreneurial spirit continued to burn in me. So, five years later, when my bosses, in their infinite wisdom, decided to fire me from my first job (I can’t even remember what stupid thing I had done), instead of feeling that it was the end of the world, I thought….”Finally! I can work for myself now.” Everybody thought I was psychotic to not be depressed at this.

Sure enough, within a few months, three friends and I opened the doors to our restaurant; “Marung Restaurant and Bar” 50^th floor, Carlton Centre. The highest restaurant in all of Joburg, hence the name Marung, which means “in the clouds”….. That place was awesome. I loved it. Poured my heart and soul into it. And every Friday, we would bring in a jazz band, give the place a nice jazzy vibe. And, of course, I would sing a track or two with the band. It was an awesome time!

The place had its many problems, we ended up pulling in many different directions as partners and in the end, the partnership was dissolved.  But, I assure you, I WILL have another Marung again. One that belongs to only me, this time. I mean….I have ventured twice into the restaurant industry. Third time’s the charm!

Moving right along! Every time I meet people who knew me years ago, they are always astounded that I am not filthy rich. And it bothers me that everybody saw all this potential in me and I have kind of let them down in a way. I remember when I was working for Mercedes Benz….I drove all these fancy expensive cars and everybody that I grew up with was just not surprised. They automatically assumed that the cars were mine, because, in their eyes, I was destined for them. My job was to make people fall in love with Mercedes Benz as a brand and believe me I hated that. Because, ultimately, the cars were not mine. And even though I looked the part and probably inspired many people to want to drive the cars, I needed some inspiration for myself.

So….here I am. I left Mercedes Benz, and I left corporate life for good this time, I hope. I have a LOT of people rooting for me to be successful. I always say, I could never ever win the lotto. God already blessed me abundantly with these brains that I have. And all this talent that I have been blessed with. My intelligence, my eloquence, my writing skills, my resonant voice, my singing voice, my average acting skills…… THAT is my lotto.

All I have to do, is cash in my ticket.

Shelaring

I am a product of the 80’s and the 90’s….but somehow, I got through that whole period without ever learn to shela. Now, any self-respecting boy from the hood grows up with the skill. I don’t know who teaches the skill. Just like I don’t know who teaches us how to spin a spinning top. Another skill I just don’t have.

All I know is, even when we were growing up, we would be playing soccer with my friends and when a beautiful young lass walked by, one of the guys would go running after her and would inevitably either walk with her for the next thirty minutes, walk all the way to the shops and back with her and he would then come back and announce that she will tell him tomorrow whether she is now his girlfriend or not. This was, inexplicably referred to as a “half-moja” which basically means, “she didn’t reject him outright, so he still has a half-yes”. The flip side would be that the guy would come back within seconds, calling the girl stuck up and an ugly slag that he never wanted in the first place.

I remember an older guy putting me on the spot and saying: “Pretend I am a pretty girl and ask me out.” And I had to do this with everybody in the taxi listening. I wanted to jump out of the moving car, it was so bad. I can even remember what I eventually mumbled : “Ke a tlala ka wena. Wa nkenya kapa wang ntsha?” And everybody in the kombi was cracking up.

I was reminded just the other day on the radio, of just how eloquent some brothers used to be, when they asked girls out. Stating from the intro; “Sawubona sisi. Bengicela ukubeka amabili amathathu.” Through to the crux of the matter (I thought this one was classic) “Ke kopa mme waka e be mmago” WOW!

Either way, I could never ever get myself to do this. It was just too scary a prospect. The crushing humiliation would have been too much to bear. My very first “girlfriend” literally showed up at my doorstep. I walked out of my bedroom, an innocent twelve year old and there she was, sitting on the couch. I almost peed in my pants, she was so beautiful. She was friends with my cousin and they had just dropped in to visit. And the next year was nothing but confusion, stumbling around like a drunk man in the dark and loads of phone calls.

She and I LIVED on the phone. Her aunt used to fetch her from school at 4pm, sharp. And I usually got home at around 3pm. So, she would call me from the tickey box at school every single day at 3;30 and we would sit on the phone for half an hour every day. This was long before Telkom’s crushing call rates.

Mind you, we hardly saw each other at all, because she had a very strict aunt.

Having her as my “girlfriend” came with two huge benefits: 1. She was the most beautiful and also the most sought after girl in the neighbourhood. So that gave me major street cred. 2. I never ever had to endure the bone crushing humiliation of being forced to ask a girl out. I had a girl and everybody knew who she was and envied me for it.

Incidentally….she and I never ever had the “are we officially dating?” chat ever. Even after having kissed a few times and all the phone calls, I only really discovered that we had actually been officially dating the day she broke up with me.

All I know is, whenever she walked by, I would be the one walking down with her to the end of the street. And I could feel the envious looks of all my friends as we walked down and then stood at the corner and chatted.

That is how all my future relationships started. I usually met them all through a friend and we became friends, then eventually she became my girlfriend. Obviously this was long before the days of social networks. Intros were the order of the day.

One thing about me…I have always been an odd social animal. When among strangers, I am as quiet as a cat. But the moment I feel comfortable in the company I am in, I will literally take over the situation.

If I walk into a room full of people and I recognise nobody, you better believe, I will get myself a drink, and a quiet corner and I will shut up. The moment somebody else has said, on my behalf “Hello everybody, this is Linda” I jump right in and everybody will think; Wow! That is one cool, calm and confident people person.

I was reminded of just how extreme this is the other day, when I went to address a ladies seminar in Pta. I arrived just as they were about to break for lunch and got to meet some of them during the lunch break. But, on the whole, I withdrew into my little corner and spoke to nobody. And I just watched….it was only once we had gone back in and I was given the platform that the “other” Linda came out. I spoke their ears off! And we had an amazing session.

Everybody that I have stayed in contact with since that day still points out how I came across as very quiet and possibly even a bit stuck up during lunch and how a very different side of me came out afterwards.

Nothing in the world is better than an intro, or a hookup. It is like your own personal recommendation. It is like a friend saying “This is Linda…he is a great guy. I trust him. And you can trust him too.”

SO…..i guess that is how I managed to date even before the days of social networks….With a little help from my friends. When I say I have never shela’d a girl in my life, I am not saying that I am stud and that girls come to ME. My relationships were all evolutionary processes where I just somehow GREW on the woman and we eventually became a couple.

This is probably one of the reasons I have absolutely no interest in diving back into the dating pol right now. I just don’t enjoy all this back and forth and uncertainty of dating.

I think I’ll just fly solo for now.

Q: Y is it so hard 4 men 2b faithful?does ths planet hv men who r stl faithful 2 their prtnrz if so plz tel whr i cn find 1

A: I wish i could defend men on this one. But it is hard to do so....The phrase "men are as faithful as their options" unfortunately has loads of truth to it.

He stopd callng me.wen i askd y he said hez busy coz of wrk.i decidd nt 2 cal hm 2.wen he askd y i dnt col i gav da same reasn he gv.nw he has a problm.u nva 2busy 4 sm1 u lv.accordin 2hm 'im messin up a gud thn'.watsup wid hm

Interesting how that double standard works. When he neglects you, he is busy, when you neglect him, you are messing up a good thing. He is just plain selfish. He is on a power trip. As much as i believe that 2 wrongs never make a right, sometimes it takes you showing somebody what they are putting you through for them to see what you are complaining about. To put them in YOUR shoes for a change.

So many wmn r afta my man even older 1s.i ddnt hv a prblm coz my bf alwys told em he has a gf he lvs n is nt interestd.wat irritates me nw is sm of these b... sent me msgs on fb.i told ma bf n thngs got ugly.thes b...act lyk psychos.dnt lyk drama.wat 2 do

I seriously battle with this shorthand. But, bottom line....just as long as the 2 of you know where you stand with one another, you should not be bothered by things that outside people say.

Happy Afrika Day....

AFRIKA DAY As many people celebrate Africa Day around the continent, I ask myself….What is there to celebrate? Do any of us really believe that Africa is free? 

None of our countries are under colonial rule, but we are clearly still as oppressed now as we were 50 years ago. So, I celebrate with a heavy heart.Self-ruled Africa has been riddled with corruption, power hungry despots and corruption of biblical proportions. And dictators who hold on to power and insist that it will only be snatched out of their cold dead hands. 

Civil war has gripped so many African countries in our life time, that I have lost count. So many countries that have achieved independence have only achieved political and never financial independence. The continent that has the most natural resources in the world also happens to be the poorest in the world. Only the leaders and their cronies have ever really had any kind of real wealth.Somalia, Sudan, Burundi, Libya, Angola, Ethiopia, Algeria, Chad, Mali, Morocco, Niger, Tunisia, DRC and even Nigeria. 

They have all had some kind of civil war in the last 10 years. And if you go further back into time, you will find many more examples. Corruption and a culture of even the law being a law unto itself is the norm right across Africa. When I went on holiday in Mozambique, I was warned to keep a few Meticals aside at all times for paying bribes. The police there are known to stop you at the drop of the hat for no reason at all except to get a bribe because you are a tourist. You could try argue with them, but 1. I speak no Portuguese at all and 2. I really don’t fancy spending a night in a Portuguese jail, just so I can go prove my innocence the next morning. That would be a very hollow victory. I am sad to say, South African Police have also caught on to this trend. They once told me point blank; “You may be right, but that means nothing right now. We will put you in jail for the night, impound your car and just withdraw the case on Monday morning (this was on a Saturday) when you appear in court.” So…do I want to be right and have my rectum violated in jail, or admit guilt on the spot and hand over R50? In the bigger scheme of things……we would all do the same thing, I am sure.  

Granted, Europe does not come out scot free in this. Think of Greece and Italy with their domestic issues right now. Neither does Asia, nor Central and South America. But that is THEIR problem, I am talking about MY domestic problems.

Now….let us focus on South Africa. One of the newest democracies in the world. Lauded as having had the most peaceful transitions of power from oppressor to oppressed of all time. The most peaceful “revolution” that anybody has ever seen. The oppressor literally just woke up one morning and decided to stop being a dick….South Africa is also hailed as having one of the most progressive constitutions and certainly the most democratic constitution. We were certainly on the right track. It seemed as if we were about to become a shining star on the African continent. An example of how this thing should be done. But then it started to go horribly wrong.

First of all, for the ANC to come into party, they had to promise us a “Better Life For All”. They promised all the things that we had been denied in the past. And they painted a rosy picture of free housing, water and electricity in the furthest corner of our country….and the ANC were going to make this happen. They didn’t say HOW they planned to achieve this. Nor did the masses care. Interestingly….education and jobs were not really high on their list of promises. I guess it was far less attractive to promise everybody a house than to promise them a JOB which will allow them to buy or build their own houses.

As I said before, South Africa was and still is, the great shining hope in Africa. The land of the free, if I may. So, needless to say, the influx of foreigners from the rest of the continent was inevitable. And they brought with them one thing that we don’t have here; A culture of hard work. They have it REALLY hard where they come from. They know what suffering is. So, they just want to catch a break. This is why they are so hated in the township. If a Somali opens a shop in your block, you best believe he will put you out of business. He will open earlier than you, close later than you, never run out of stock of anything. So as a result, when somebody wants to buy something in the township, they have the highest chance of getting it from the Somalis.

If I need my cell phone or laptop repaired, I know exactly where to go. Little Africa. It is there in every corner of this country now. Very highly skilled guys who do their job well and are CHEAP.I have LOADS of respect for our Nigerian and Somali brothers. They are the epitome of true entrepreneurship. We can all learn a thing or two about skills development (Nigerians) and a true work ethic (both). Their customer service, as with all of Africa, really, could use a LOT of help….but that is another story altogether.

So…..what do South Africans choose to do instead? Xenophobic attacks! March! Strike! Oh, we are GOOD at striking! If striking was a career, so many South Africans would be multi-millionaires from it. That is our solution to everything. STRIKE! March! Unrest here and there. Vavi For President! And we LOVE being in the mix of things. Even when we have no clue what the strike is about.

Yesterday, there was a huge strike in Kwa-Thema, near Springs. Apparently the cause of the unrest was electricity. As far as I could gather, they want to be converted from their current service provider to Eskom. But the thing that REALLY got their backs up was the announcement that they would no longer be receiving the R100 free electricity that each household was getting every month. So they took to the streets. Roads were barricaded, people were not allowed to go to work, so, effectively, the township was brought to a standstill. When I drove into the township last night, electricity had been restored (meaning that the impasse had somehow been resolved). But the place looked like a war zone. The streets were littered with debris, there were rocks everywhere and the ever faithful burning car tyres were everywhere. I had visions of the late 80’s and of people being necklaced (burnt alive by being doused with petrol and putting a burning car tyre around their necks).While trying to manoeuvre through all of this, I was accosted by a few stick and brick wielding young men. These boys could not have been older than 17 or 18. And under normal circumstances, they are the kind of boys who would call me “Uncle” and ask to wash my car for a R20 note. Not today. On this day, they controlled the street, and they were intent on taking full advantage. “This car does NOT pass here unless some cool drink money exchanges hands. Otherwise you turn around” The first one said. “If not, we are stoning this car right NOW!” said the other one, definitely a Future Julius among them.I checked my pockets, gave them all the coins I had in my pocket, (no more than R15) and I was granted access into Kwa-Thema.

This had absolutely nothing to do with electricity (an issue which was already resolved) This was just hooliganism, opportunism, and basically a bunch of boys seeing just how much power they had in that brief window. So they chose to exploit the power while they had it. Sound familiar? Power, no matter how little, really does corrupt. Look at how powerful a security guard feels when he knows that he is all that stands between you and entry into a building. How much more when somebody has your life in his hands (cops and criminals alike) or the country's money and future (politicians) in their hands. That kind of power can intoxicate many a man. He would be like a kid in a candy store. Snatch as much money and fill his coffers. Sleep with and marry as many women as he can (if his culture revers a man with many wives) and have as many children as he can (another inexplicable sign of wealth). 

They say with great power comes great responsibility. I would argue that ALL power has to be put in hands that will not abuse it. But you very rarely get to see just how much power might corrupt an individual until he has been given that power.

Friends, this story I am telling with a chuckle right now. But for a brief moment, when Future Julius spoke, it was tense. I knew from all the broken glass on the road that it was not an idle threat. And I also knew that even though turning around may have been given as an option, in reality, it wasn’t. Had I turned around, I would have been seen as resisting and I would have been stoned. As we all know, mob psychology works in mysterious ways. Boys who are normally quite sweet and docile turn into raging lunatics in a crowd. It is easy to be a rebel, when you are among other rebels.

My question to you….how soon before this becomes the norm across the country?

Self Love

Self Love

Friends, before you start getting ideas, this note MAY be entitled Self Love, but it is not about pleasing yourself. Not in the way YOU are thinking…..perverts!

This is an entirely different type of self-love. This is all about making you feel good. About You!

Let me give you a perfect example. Every piece of clothing that you possess, you once loved. You experienced a great feeling of elation when you took your purse out and paid for it.

Why? Because you loved it and felt that it looks great on you. But, as the months go by, sometimes within weeks, even, it is just part of a pile of clothes that you have. So, you need to go back and buy something else to make you feel good. Retail Therapy.

.I don’t know what it is going to take, but I would like to start a movement. Change this for ever. I would like to get to the point where, as you dress, in the morning, you pull out every item of clothing with love. Go back to how you felt when you bought it. Realise that nothing has changed, since you bought it. It is as beautiful now, as it was when you bought it.

I can honestly tell you that this is one of the reasons why I feel so good about myself. This is a big part of why I am always so happy.

If you were to ask me what I am wearing right now, I will say: “I am wearing my black wing tip brogues, with leather on the edges and calf skin in the middle. I am wearing my favourite sheer socks. I am wearing my 100% cotton, single button, single slash, single breasted black suit. I am wearing my white shirt, with the outstitch detail on the collar and on the cuffs. My lambswool sleeveless pullover and my favourite belt. I have accessorized all this with a matching tie, pocket square and cuff link combo.”

This may all sound long winded and boring, but I have done this all for a reason. Every one of the things that I am wearing, I was crazy about when I forked out my hard earned money to buy them. So, I will wear them with pride. I could very easily have said I am wearing a black suit and a white shirt. But that is me belittling the effort that it took to put the package that you see together.

Love Yourself. I WILL be asking you every morning what you are wearing.

Why do women call Mini drivers sluts?

It is no accident that the Mini shares it's name with the mini dress and mini skirt.

They are both sexy, they are both impractical and not everybody can pull one off.

So, as a result, those who cannot pull it off will look at those in them and call them sluts. Those who cannot pull them off will shout from the mountain top "I'd never be caught dead in it." Yeah...you wouldn't. You sure wouldn't, Ms Sour Grapes.

Minis are sexy. And the only people who can pull them off successfully are also sexy. Needless to say, any woman in a Mini or a mini will invariably attract the attention of the opposite sex. And will, in turn, attract the envy of other women.

If I were to take a poll on this one, I am sure I can find a few women who will tell you about at least one Mini driving woman who "stole" their man or a friend's man. But that is like saying "I know a woman in a mini dress who stole my man." The Mini (or mini) is not the problem, here. It is the gorgeous woman inside it. THAT was just made more attractive by the Mini and that is why your man, or your friend's man, could not resist this girl.

Let's face it, although many women complain when they are flooded with attention, I have yet to meet a woman who doesn't secretly enjoy the attention. It is good to be admired. It is great to be seen as attractive. And, truth be told, a Mini will do that. It will give you that attention. Instantly. And the more attractive you are, the more attractive it seems to make you. There is absolutely nothing sexier than a beautiful woman in a Mini, wearing the right pair of shades. You literally see jaws dropping.

I remember once seeing two ladies pull up in a Mini Cooper. And they looked drop dead gorgeous. Until they walked out the car. I was standing at the counter of a fast food outlet. By the time they stood next to me to order, I was thinking; "I can't believe I even saw them as attractive." What changed? They stepped out the car. Ouch!

So...why do many women call Mini driving women sluts? Same reason men call guys who drive Porsche's wankers...we just envy the bastards! And we like to console ourselves and say that if it wasn't for the car, nobody would ever give the bugger a second glance. Except with the guys it is probably true! *evil grin*

Bottom line...when a woman gets more attention than YOU from the other sex, many women will start branding that woman a slut. And THAT, my friends, is the reason why so many women who drive Mini's are called sluts by other women.

Q: Malume, Iv bin wit my bf 4 2yrs, n since movin 2 a different province I found out dat he's livin with another woman. When I bring this up he gets aggressive. Does he still love me? Is this a rescuable mission or a sinking ship???

Are you asking me if you should be upset that your boyfriend of 2 years is living with another woman. Really?

Q: Hey L I\'ve had unbelievable se* with a man bt somehow developed feelings for him he\'s got a steady girl now and I\'d rather cut ties with him than play 2nd,he still talks about the se* and how much he loves my company what do I do?

I am just glad that he has not given you the impression that this is about anything else other than se*. That should keep things clear to you that he wants nothing more than se*. Needless to say, if you find yourself falling for him, it means you are just not a No Strings Attached kinda girl. So do like Johnny Walker and KEEP WALKING. Otherwise you WILL get hurt.

Q: Hi bhut Linda, I've always wanted to know... What's your take on polygamy?

A: It depends.....Needless to say, in our patriarchal society, it tends to favour men more than women. However, if both parties are happy with it, then why not? I know many very happy people in polygamous setups.

Q: uncle<br /> do man even look at a fat woman??how does one catch a man's attention<br />

A: Of course they do! We all have our individual tastes. I have friends who are attracted ONLY to tiny women, while others love only big women. Don't DO anything to catch a man's attention. Be yourself, be comfortable in your own skin and if you and him find each other, then you know you can keep it up because you were being YOU.

Q: I've bn wit married man 4 3yrs(yes its wrong but nyway) he has started teln me about problems he n his wife r hAving n Askn me for advice,wen I ask him y hes teln me,he says who else must he ask. Y is he doing this?is he trying to chase me away?

A: He is MARRIED!!!! Hellooooooooo! Anybody home? What's next? Is he going to come to you and ask you to babysit while he goes on a date with his wife? Wakeup Woman! Get your own man.

Q: He says he lvs me bt he doesn col anymo.we in a distance r/shp n thats hw we communicate.askd hm y he doesn col,he says wrk is kpn hm busy.wats hs story?

A: He's just not that into you any more.

Q: (50 year old dating 24) its not a issue just wanted to know if its wrong in any level. i love the guy in fact i want a life with. my mother knows about this and she has no problem with it

A: Well....in my opinion, as long as you are happy.

Just like on tv

Many of you won't know this, but a few years ago (almost 5, i think) i did a tv ad for one of those funeral policies. It was one of those long informecials and it actually ran on tv for 4 whole years right up until mid-2011. I hated the ad!

I hated it because; 1. It just seemed so cheesy. 2. It was morbid and nobody really wants to hear you talking about death. 3. My tie was visibly crooked on most of the scenes (How did NOBODY pick that up?) 4. I kept seeing the girl I hooked up with on set (speaking of picking up). 5. (Most Importantly) I didn't really believe in the product and in the brand. I just felt like it is one of those things that they use to make people spend hard earned money on something they MAY need one day. Meanwhile they get fatter every day.

Fast forward to March 2012. A man who was like a father to me, my future father in law passed on. Like the wise man that he was, he had one of these policies with Two Mountains Funeral Services. Now, bear in mind...this is in Phalaborwa. I have been quite vocal in the past about small towns and the poor service that exists in such places.

To say that I was bowled over by the amazing service would be an understatement. Needless to say, a death is a very difficult time and my girlfriend showed amazing strength. She jumped right in and got to work, making arrangements, arranging for the proper release documentation from the hospital, death certificates and all the other red tape that you would imagine goes with a person's passing away. And whether dealing with the Two Mountains Branch in Tzaneen (where Papa passed away) or in Phalaborwa, the guys were nothing less than extremely helpful, courteous and professional. They ran around with us, got all the paper work done, took us to the Home Affairs office and everything was done within 2 hours, just as we were promised.

Let's face it, if there is one thing we have all become used to it is poor service. Especially from our own people. Even more so if the company itself is black owned. I can't tell you how many times i have complained over bad service in the past, asked for the manager, then his manager, then HIS manager, simply because every one of them was as bad as the previous one.

So to find a black owned company, in a small town, giving WORLD class service is an absolute breath of fresh air. Dignity and respect is the order of the day, from receptionist to consultants. Even the Chief Operating Officer of the company came out to ask if we were being looked after. I don't think this company has branches in the rest of the country. But, i assure you, as much as i never want to think about death...this is the dignified manner i would like to be buried in, the day my name is called.

Q: Am inlove with a 50 year old man and am 24. We work together and he makes me happy. He was married but it ended years ago. Is it wrong for me to love him or what.

Ok, here's the thing....you can love and date whoever you feel comfortable with IN THEORY. The question becomes; can you actually make the relationship work? Do you (both) have the emotional intelligence to look past the differences? This holds truw whether the difference is racial, cultural, age, religion or whatever. I must say, the fact that you are asking me the question says that it IS an issue for you already. And it says that YOU see it as a problem already. Let me illustrate my point; If he was Muslim and you were christian, would you have asked me the question? Or if he was Anglican and you were Catholic? Am guessing you wouldn't. Because it is a non issue. So, why is this one an issue? I'll tell you why. Because it also bothers you on some level.

Q: He wants se* everyday, is tht normal? We've been together for 4 years. Nt tht im complaining coz id hate it if he went seeking outside. Bt isnt tht too much se*? Oh yes i love him, i realy do.

Honestly, it is all relative. Depends on the individual. Some people believe that 3 times a day is what they expect and nothing less. It's all up to you.

Q: Hey Linda,I feel thrs more to se* than what Im gettin r used 2get. Been dating the guy who broke my virginity for almost 2yrs we r not on speaking terms now & Im tempted to taste another man. I dnt know what an orgasm feels like n hes never gone down on me.

Do guys who never go down on women still exist? REALLY? I have no idea how you tolerated that for 2 years. Look, to me it sounds like the problems in your relationship go beyond the se*ual. Maybe you just need to admit that the relationship itself is not working out.

Q: My bf says he njoys hvng sex with me.if we not doing doggy o spooning hez always on top.i wana b on top n ride hm.cn u gv advice on hw i cn make it pleasurable 4 hm?

What makes you think it is not pleasurable to him right now? Do you feel that you need to be a rump shaker and do the kwasa kwasa on his Dic* for a man to enjoy se* with you? If you absolutely MUST, then get on top of him and pretend you are playing the hula hoop.

Q: honestly am afraid of hvng a serious bf cos I knw dy don't wanna use condom(after 2months of dating) so nna can't have se* ntle le cd bf2 so I just want a se* partner sm1 am gonna call wen nature calls do u think is a bad idea

Where on earth do you FIND these guys that insist on not using condoms after 2 months? More importantly...are you telling me you are totally unable to stand up for yourself and say "That thing is coming (excuse the pun) nowhere near me unless it is in a condom. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with a shag buddy if you want one. But I am worried that your reasons for wanting one are a bit twisted.

Q: My bf n i lv eachotha vry much.we hvn problms.thng is neitha 1 of us wants 2 make da 1st mve 2 fix it.wat 2 do?

Your question makes it very hard to give any advice. 1. You are quite economical with your vowels. 2. It is not clear, from your question what the problems are exactly. I mean...are they fixable? Some differences ARE irreconcilable. That is why there is divorce. Maybe you can't be bothered to fix it because you just don't think it is worth fixing?

Q: I have a problem am so dam insecure abt everything I don't trust him at all. We've been together 4 a year the things is I waz cheated on by my X so I can't get the thoughts out of my head. How can I stop this its ruining our relship

So...basically, you are letting your ex's run your current relationship via remote control? How's THAT working out for you? Stop letting your pasts mess up your present. Your insecurity is going to drive your man away. And future men, for that matter.

Q: He beat me up in a nite club in Brooklyn Pta! No1 tried 2 help until i ws saved by the bouncers! We'v bn 2getha 4 3yrs n hs neva dun sumthn lyk dis! I saw hm holdin gal he who l8r introduced s a frnd!

From your words, I am guessing that the 2 of you are still together. So, my question is....what is your question to me? If his actions were not enough to make you leave, what do you think words will achieve?

Q: Hey uncle, my b.f and I have been dating for a month, and everythng was good between us, all of the sudden he doesnt take my calls or respond to my sms's. Judgng by hs behaviour i knw he hs lost intrest. Bt therz 1 q in my mind.... WHY?

Hit and run. He got what he wanted. (My guess). What happened or changed just before he started being dodgy?

Q: sex without a condom is far better than with, we both got tested & cleared & there\'s no chance of a pregnancy,maybe that\'s why he has all those condoms so he can use them with other women...honestly we are very responsible <br /> <br /> Miss NSA

You are so right. se* without a condom is better. In the same way that driving without a seat belt or riding a bike without a helmet is better. Just remember that if a man is having unprotected se* with you, an NSA arrangements, he could be having the same setup with other NSA's of his. "We are very responsible" is contradictory in this statement.

Q: Been seeing a guy for 3mnths now, its not a relationship, just two adults enjoying each others company and the se*. Would it be a bad idea to want more from this, we both just came out of long term relationships and it was very bad break ups.

All I can say is; You both got into this wanting NSA. The moment your agenda changes, I suggest you put it on the table. Just be prepared for the possibility that all he wants is to keep it NSA and nothing more.

Q: If hv prblms,he breakup with her,thn after few day he cum back n pretend as if nothing happend n move on.is dis luv?

I'm sorry...what?

Q: Linda he broke up with me coz I farted while sleeping and went around telling his friends. C he\'s got a very small Dic* and he knows that too doesn\'t he think I can ruin his reputation? How do I get back @him?I'm over him just want revenge.

Ok...where's the camera? Clearly I am being Punk'd! Is this Leon Schuster? Or Whackhead Simpson?

Q: w've been speeking over the phone n internet we realy do mach in most of the thing knw he want us 2 meet n im so scared coz the things he says are so wierd 4 a person u anly so a pic of like marrage n staff

He is moving too fast. Tread very carefully. Sometimes guys WILL say whatever you want to hear, just to get you, I am sure you know that (as*uming you are over 16)

Q: Hey uncle (Li) iwhere can I find yur notes? Want some ideas on how to give agood blow ;)

http://teamwakeup.blogspot.com

Q: Hi Linda,<br /> Ive been with him for 3months, I love him with every part of me. He wants me to meet the family Ive asked him to put that on hold thing is I have a 1yr old baby boy he is not the father.Im scared do you think I have reason to worry?

Only you can answer that, to be honest. From what I can see, there are two issues, here. Why do you want him to hold off meeting the folks? I as*ume because it is still early days in your relationship (for you). As for your son, he knew about him when you started dating. I don't see why it would be a problem now, if it didn't put him off back then. It will not be easy. But don't look for problems where there aren't any yet.

Q: my b.f recently gt a new job n i found owt dat he s intendin 2 make moves on colleagues , du i hv 2 confront hm ??

He is intending to make moves on colleagues? So, he is planning to make moves on colleagues he has not even met yet? How on earth do you address that? All that means is; He is permanently making moves on EVERYBODY.

Q: his family seems to come 1st.we\\\'ve been dating since Jan.I can\\\'t go to his place when his brothers r there. why is he behaving like a 14yr old at 36?Puzzled

Ok, this is a very old Qooh. So obviously this refers to Jan last year. Ok, my guess is that he was still not ready to have you meeting the family yet. Which is worrying in a relationship that is almost a year old. But everybody does things at their own pace. So, maybe he takes his time before doing the home intro.

Q: Hello Groetman!!i've been sein this guy for a mnth now,he asks bout my welbin,what are my plans,what time do i knock off,..does it mean he's genuinenly into me.

Only time and HE can tell. But don't waste your time trying to break the DaVinci code. Stop trying to interpret his words and actions. Just wait for him to say what's on his mind.

Q: Regarding my hubby who is planning a trip overseas to see his ex, I am not sure What my question is, but I have also discovered that he is asking his local ex's for casual sex on FB.*devastated*

In my opinion, the answer here is as clear as day. You are holding on to a relationship of the past. I would suggest couple's therapy, but it is clear that he is planning his exit strategy.

Q: My friend told me that she's HIV+,her man of 3years infected her.He kept on cheating on her & abused her but she stood that & worse have sex without a condom.If s/he cheats on you,love yourself enough to get out of that relationship before s/he ruins you!

I really feel for your friend. I hope her experience teaches others that just because you are in a committed relationship, you don't decide to stop using protection.

Q: we are in a distant r/ship.we brk up cos he gave me no attention nd makes me unhappy always.its a month nw nd he sent mesages 2 me on fb sayin his mind isnt free nd dsnt wnt 2 b blamed 4d brk up.is he feeling guilty of hw he treated me?do i reply his messages?

How can he NOT want to be blamed for the break up? According to what you say, he made you feel unappreciated and unloved. What is he going to do differently? Is this a case of "You never miss your water til it runs dry?" Will he stop appreciating you again once you are back together?

Toni Braxton rushed to Hospital

Grammy award winning singer Toni Braxton was rushed to an L.A. hospital earlier this week after experiencing "flare ups" as a result of her Lupus condition.

She told TMZ that she’s doing fine and thanked her fans for the outpouring of support they've given. 

"I wanted to say thanks to all my fans for their support, as I have been experiencing some flare ups with my Lupus which has me in the hospital for a few days.

I wanted to clear the record before rumors started, and will totally be fine as I'm blessed to having an amazing family for support."

Braxton tweeted to her fans and further reassured them she was fine:

In 2011, Braxton revealed that she’s been struggling with the disease for years and has become an advocate for raising awareness about the condition. Lupus is a disease in which the body's immune system mistakenly attacks healthy tissue.

We’re definitely happy that Braxton is feeling better and wish her all the best. 

Read more: http://globalgrind.com/news/toni-braxton-rushed-hospital-lupus-flare-up-los-angeles-details#ixzz1jRzuwxeO