Skin on Skin (again)

 I'd like to meet ONE person who claims not to have been affected by AIDS somehow. Every day we are burying somebody because of it. Friend, neighbour, relative...whatever. Too many people, though, are perpetuating the problem with ignorance and with indifference. People are afraid of being judged for having AIDS...so, when somebody has pneumonia, which would have been curable had his CD4 count been high enough...they will still insist that they died of pneumonia and nothing more. As a result, you hardly ever hear of ANYBODY saying that they died of AIDS. It is true: AIDS does not kill anybody. It simply opens up the door for other diseases to kill you. As a result, a lot of people still live in denial about it. Hell, former President Mbeki made the irresponsible statement that he knew nobody personally who had died of AIDS. And, yes…he was correct. Nobody dies of AIDS. It simply opens you up for any and every other ailment to attack you. However, taken out of context, that statement can be taken to mean that he does not believe that AIDS kills people. Which it does.  

Now, as i said, I have buried many people who have died from AIDS related complications. But what pains me, what truly tears me apart is, so much of the death is just so unnecessary! Yes, no death is necessary....but when somebody dies of cancer, we say: nothing could have been done to prevent it. On the flip side, you see young people engaging in behaviour that puts them at risk of contracting HIV and THAT really bothers me. People go on like there is absolutely nothing they can do to prevent it. Girl…nobody is raping you. If you get raped and you contract HIV, my heart truly goes out to you. You are a victim. But if you have consensual sex with somebody and then turn around and say “He didn’t want to put it on…” Sorry…I feel NO pity for you. You didn’t try hard enough. If you adopt a no glove no love stance, believe me, he will have to know….he is either covering his man meat or keeping it away from you. Finish and klaar. You DO have a choice!

I think the older generation is a bit of a lost cause. They are set in their ways and there is no way I could convince a man my dad's age to wear a condom. Nor could I convince an older woman who KNOWS that her husband is sleeping around left right and centre to make him wear a condom.

However, the people I speak to on social networks are (usually) young and belong to a different generation. And THEY are the people who can break this cycle. And this they can start by changing their attitude. If you are at Campus Square Pharmacy buying the morning after pill on a Monday morning....you may have contracted HIV from that same sexual encounter. FACT. You don't need to have sex with somebody 5 times for them to infect you. So, the same sex that has you worried about being pregnant is the same sex that should have you worried about getting infected. So, what is the best thing? Prevention is ALWAYS better than cure. Make him wear a condom.

On a personal note....I got lucky. On so many levels. I grew up PETRIFIED of my dad and he told me, in no uncertain terms that if I ever get a girl pregnant while living in his house...No more school for me, I must move out, go get a job and support that child. That scared the hell out of me. When I became sexually active, I had never even heard of AIDS. All I feared was pregnancy. STD’s existed, but they scared me a LOT less than pregnancy. So...the day after my surprise first sex, I went and bought a pack of condoms. And for the next month I was scared shitless, waiting for the girl to tell me she had had her periods. I was 14. Couldn't concentrate in class, had nightmares at night. All of this despite the fact that I had pulled out just as I was ejaculating. When she eventually confirmed that she had her next periods, I finally breathed a sigh of relief. And I said NEVER AGAIN. Kept those condoms in my pocket for ever after that. It was a whole year before I had sex again....but I never ever went a day without condoms in my pockets again. And every time I had sex, I had a condom on. For me, I just never knew sex without a condom at all. I was conditioned that way. My friends all around me were getting STD’s and we would all laugh about it. It was proof that they were having sex, so getting gonorrhea was kinda “cool” in those days. And most of them DID get babies as teenagers. So, yes, in many ways, it is a case of me not missing something that I have never really had much of. So…when I use myself as an example, I am saying, it CAN be done. If I can do it, surely so can every other guy.

 While on the personal note...another reason I am actually cool with condoms is this: I love giving oral sex. Muffing. Cunnilingus. Whatever you choose to call it.I do this as foreplay, midplay, afterplay. Whenever. I'll stop mid-stroke, just to go back down there and do it again. Now....I absolutely HATE the thought of going down there if I have been busy ejaculating into it. That is quite a gross thought for me. So...I prefer the condom.

In conclusion, it really is a mind thing. If you respect your life and you don't know for sure what your partner is doing out there...the only way to make 100% certain that you are safe, is to take matters into your own hands and insist on a condom. Nobody spends ALL their time with their partners. I could tell you scary stories of married people having affairs in the office during office hours. Husband drops her off in the morning, picks her up in the afternoon, but all the things that she does at lunch time? Shocker. And believe me, I am not trying to come across as a saint. I know of these things because I have done them. Am not proud...but I KNOW what happens out there. 

So, your best bet is ALWAYS a condom. FACT. NO heat of the moment crap.