Casual Sex (To Shagmate or not to shagmate)

I suppose it is because of the upsurge in AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, but casual sex has become a taboo topic. And that is why i have chosen to speak about it. I am going to be candid and as always, I will call a spade a spade. If i upset certain people (and i am sure i will) then so be it. It wouldn't be worth writing if it did not evoke some kind of emotional response, good or bad.

When I look at some of the things that people sit and endure, just for the sake of being "in a relationship" or married, for that matter, when all they are really after is somebody to give them sex (good or bad)....just to be that close to somebody for 10 minutes (or 1, depending on who you are with), it makes me wonder; Are these people not better off with a shag mate? A fuck buddy. A no strings attached partner.

Let's look at the facts. If a guy comes over, for the sole purpose of being a sex partner, you REALLY don't need to be considerate to his ego and his feelings. If he is not delivering the goods, you can show him the door, with no hesitation. He is not delivering on his mandate. Recall the bugger. Can't do that with a "boyfriend". You are usually too tied into the relationship. As a a result, he can get away with giving you good sex, or average sex once a month.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am a great believer in relationships. But the relationship needs to be a good one. You need to feel loved and appreciated. And most of all, you need to be getting good sex (if sex is important to you). If you are not getting all of the above, ask yourself; "Why am I here?" And like i have said many times, if the only reason that you are with him is the below average sex, then I urge you to consider getting a formal shagmate arrangement elsewhere. Let's face it, your man is nothing but a shagmate anyway. A BAD shagmate.

A shagmate is not there to discuss how your day was. Nor is he there to bitch about HIS day. He is there for one thing and one thing only; to cater to your sexual needs. And he better do a good job if he knows what is good for him.

So, really, sometimes, you are better off walking away from Mr Nothing But Complaints and moving on to Mr Do You Right. All this, while you search for Mr Right. Believe me, you won't have that desperate look in your eyes and as such, you won't fall prey to ruthless players. And, of course, you won't be seeing the world through Cerebos covered eyes, so you will be a lot more critical and choosy about who you allow into your life.

So, dare i say it, a shagmate might just solve half the relationship issues out there.

Performance Anxiety

Nope...this is not what you are thinking. It has nothing to do with sex at all. I have been getting a lot of flack about my long overdue book and i really understand why. You all saw glimpses of the book and i guess you also felt that it is something that you will find valuable. Now....here is my problem. As many of you know, this book was conceived on Facebook. The idea of a book happened almost by accident. I was just writing notes, addressing topics that friends kept coming to me about over and over. Somehow, the writing struck a chord. People loved it and asked for more. By the third note, everybody was asking when the book is coming out and i jokingly said "This is the first chapter". Next thing i knew everybody was talking about the book. Fortunately for me, it was practically writing itself. The words were flowing out of me. I was literally just a conduit through which the words flowed. Now....this is the dilemma. Everything i wrote at the time, i shared with friends on Facebook. I got their reviews, their opinions and most importantly, their VALIDATION. They loved what I was writing and they approved. But, at some point i had to stop putting the notes up. I mean, what would the point be if i am going to write a book and then put it up on Facebook in it's entirety? Who will buy it, then. I have since written quite a lot, and kept it to myself. But herein lies the conundrum. Now i have a lot of untested material. And i am uncertain of it. I am very insecure about it. I could have finished writing this book months ago, but i am EXTREMELY insecure about all the untested material. I keep writing, deleting, shelving some material. I keep worrying that the book is too short, i keep worrying that only the first chapters that i wrote are good and the rest is just rubbish. It is driving me insane with worry. It keeps me up at night. I wake up and write some more. You know how some musicians will put out an album with three or four great songs and the rest of the album is just made up of fillers? I don't want that. I want every single chapter to be a hit. I want you all to sleep with the book on your night stand because you just keep going back to it. I want to write a book that you will keep in your handbag and keep on reading all the time. So please do bear with me. Here's a thought; I would like to include some Qooh.me Questions and Answers in the book. Opinions?