Q: iv been wit this guy 4 8mnths nw&I thot I ws inlove. He's just not romantic at all. HE says romantic gestures r fake.wen I meet guys that r romantic I end up flirting with them and losing interest in man. Wat shud I do?

A: I'd really like to break this down and find out what you mean by romantic gestures. I mean, let's face it, a man should always try to show his woman that she is special and important to him. Otherwise, as is happening to you, he is opening up doors for OTHERS to make you feel appreciated.

Q: Im so in love with my man,I want to spend the rest of my life with him,however mabane I found out that my ex whom i loved dearly is recently single..the news made my heart skip a beat with excitement. Is this normal?

Sounds like you still have unresolved feelings for your ex. And the only way is to confront them head on. Let me tell you a quick story. When i was young, I was not allowed to have chocolate. But there was a neighbour who would give me a little Milky Bar occasionally. That memory stayed in my mind and when i got older, I told myself i would have Milky Bars every single day. Ate one full bar and i HATED it. Maybe this guy is your Milky Bar. You want him because you can\'t have him.

These Damn Smokers

I knew this girl once, who was a smoker. And she absolutely refused to smoke anywhere near me. This was totally out of choice, you understand. Had nothing to do with MY dislike of smoking. She also refused to come anywhere near me until she had freshened up and sorted out her breath. This girl was truly beautiful, but THAT is what endeared her to me. Made me realise that she KNEW as all smokers should, just how annoying her habit really is to those around her.

If you really want to know how annoying cigarette smoke is, talk to a former smoker and ask them how annoying they find cigarette smoke. See, when you smoke, you really don't notice cigarette smoke much. After all, your senses have been dulled. But quit smoking and then pay attention, as your sense of smell goes back to normal.

I swear, I once had a conversation with one imbecile (and really, i think i am insulting imbeciles here) who argued that the wind blows the cigarette smoke away. So, what am i complaining about? He had the nasty habit of standing outside an open door or window and carrying on the conversation with us in the house. I mean, why bother stepping outside, the smell is coming right back into the house. He even went as far as pointing at the smoke and showing me the direction of the wind. Moron! Try standing at the door and then farting. THEN tell me that just because nobody can see the fumes going into the house, then no smell will go in.

The point is this....I really don't give a damn if you want to set your face on fire....just be aware that the moment I smell your damn cigarette, which is IMMEDIATELY....I just want to replace that damn cigarette with my fist. You know how they say kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray? Believe me, hanging out with an inconsiderate smoker is just as bad. Worse because the genius thinks he is doing you a favour by stepping away 5 steps. Seriously, buddy. You clearly didn't study physics. 

Smokers, seriously.....please stop smoking in front of us. And for heaven's sake, stop smoking in the car and blowing outside. That does NOT help. The worst offenders, though, are the assholes who smoke with children in the car. Those wankers should be shot. Public execution. No arrest, no trial, no sentence. Skip all of that. Straight to the public freaking execution. Biggest irony, you will see the same idiot carefully strapping their child onto the child seat. Thank you Mr/Mrs Conscientious! 

That is my first rant of the year....

Small Town Minds

There is something about being in a small town. That lovely sense of community, the way everybody seems to know everybody. And the people in the streets seem to smile more, they are more peaceful and serene. None of them are rushing to their next big appointment. And you can see it in their driving. Nice and peaceful.

But, there is a big spanner in the works. The service in big towns, though not great, you end up knowing where to go, if you are looking for great service. You want great service, stay away from Shoprite, go to Checkers. \they are part of the same chain, but they don't spend a cent on trying to keep the Shoprite stores clean, nobody is surprised if they see a rodent or a roach at a Shoprite store. And, service is a word that doesn't exist in the staff's minds. The only greeting you will get from the lady at a Shoprite till is "Plastic?" And you can rest assured there will be NO packer and you will be packing your own groceries, because...well, the lady at the till is too busy filing her nails, to pack your bags for you.....I challenge anybody to show me a single Shoprite that is any different.

Go to Checkers and it is a completely different world. You are greeted with (at the very least)a forced smile and a mumbled greeting. And there is almost always a packer to assist you. If not, the lady at the till will definitely pack your bags for you. Now, for me it is a no-brainer. I avoid Shoprite like the plague and I love Checkers passionately. They are quite often situated close to one another, so i ask myself; "Why would anybody go shop at a Shoprite store when they have the option of Checkers. Clearly it is a great case of market segmentation. When Checkers advertises, it usually places emphasis on their great variety. Whenever i think of cheese and wine, i think Checkers. Shoprite, on the other hand, will sell NOTHING but price. There is probably no difference in their prices, really. But, the seed has been planted in people's minds that Shoprite is cheaper.

Back to small towns. It REALLY makes no difference which shop you go to, in a small town. You WILL get bad service. Guaranteed. I have even received bad service at Woolies in Nelspruit. WOOLWORTHS! I always thought that Woolies has a training second to none. And that they have managed to develop some kind of gene testing which teaches their staff to be perpetually polite and friendly, but somehow Nelspruit dropped the ball. Hell, i have even received amazing service from Woolies in Phalaborwa. A dusty little two street mining town managed to far surpass Nelspruit. Shame on you, Nelspruit.

One thing i picked up in Nelspruit was that ALL the black people (yes...i have to go to the race thing) gave the worst service. Seriously. Everywhere i went, i got nothing but surly faces of people who really don't want to be there. The white folk were, on the whole, not that different either...UNTIL they hear you speak "good" English. Then they immediately think "Wait, this darkie sounds educated, so maybe he has money...let me be nice!" And although this is far from ideal, at least it tells me one thing; They know what side their bread is buttered. They understand that this customer is who pays their salary in the end. So, they at least pretend to give a damn about you. I swear, we walked into a Vodacom shop in Nelspruit, because Boo was looking for accessories for her Blackberry Playbook. She walks in and asks this chap and his immediate response was "No we don't have..." Then, clearly he did a double take and thought; "Hang on....... TOURIST!" Suddenly he was falling all over himself, finding as many accessories as he could lay his hands on for us. Gave us Brilliant service after that.

However, in the midst of all this indifference, we found an oasis of amazing service. The guesthouse that we stayed at; "Nel's River Guesthouse And Spa".....Exemplary. I will be writing a full report on this one shortly. With pics. I would recommend this place to ANYBODY going to the Nelspruit area.

Lifestyle...the beginning

I am very excited to be involved with the Society And Lifestyle brand. When I sat down to write this intro, I thought that i would write about what I think qualifies me to write about Lifestyle....

An hour later, I am still sitting here with a blank screen staring at me.

I have no idea what qualifies me. I am not "cool". I am not hip and happening. And i certainly am not part of the trendy bunch who are the shock waves that is in front of the cutting edge. Hell, I don't even own a single Apple product.

The only reason I can think of, why i was roped in to write for this brand is that, I tell it like it is. And my honesty and the brutal manner in which i dish it out means that my readers know that i will never suck up. If i dislike something, I will say it is rubbish. And if i wax lyrical about something, it is because i genuinely liked it.

So, long story short, I think i was pulled in to write this because of my honesty and non-conformity. You need only look at me and my wardrobe to realise that i really couldn't be bothered by what is trendy. I would certainly never go to ZAR and order 5o year old Scotch at R15 000 a tot, or R450 000 for the whole bottle. Hell, you wouldn't catch me at ZAR at all. I was there once, to watch a friend perform live. And i seriously walked out thinking "A fool and his money are soon parted.." Because I REALLY didn't get the big fuss.

Don't get me wrong; I know that sometimes quality comes at a price. And that is an indisputable fact. But I also believe that sometimes people assume that high price equals good quality. Let us go back to whiskey. I, for one, actually enjoy Johnny Walker Black more than I do Green, or Gold, or indeed Blue. When you consider that there is a R1000 difference between Black and Blue, you will realize that I am TRULY not bothered by list price, but rather by whether I am enjoying an experience or not.

So, here we are...I will be writing a feature on Lifestyle, and really I will stick to things that I love and am passionate about. Food, music, movies, cars, restaurants...if only i could add sex to the equation, that would pretty much cover ALL my interests. Look, if i am asked to write about anything, or to give my opinion on something, i will gladly do so. I will try and keep it light and informative, rather than bore you with a lot of theory and statistics. And I will keep it brief. I hate long winded articles that keeps the reader engrossed in the first half and has the reader BEGGING for it to end because the writer is going on and on.

While on the subject of keeping it brief...that's my cue to sign off. Please enjoy the reading.

Please go like our page.... http://facebook.com/SocietyAndLifestyle

Skin on Skin

I would like to put my views on this topic down, once and for all and never come back to it again.

In this day and age, if you have unprotected sex and you are not married....you are taking a risk. Hell, there is an element of risk in marriage as well. Unless you know where your partner is 24/7, there is always the possibility of him/her being out there, getting infected. So, have skin on skin with them and you have it too. No matter how well-behaved YOU might be. To be perfectly honest, even if you KNOW where your partner is, that won't stop them from cheating if they want to.

Take it from a man who has had shagmate arrangements, NEVER be fooled by the time frame. If he has an appointment with a shagmate, they could set up the time, he could be on the phone with you at 10h00, be inside her by 10h10 and be back on the phone with you by 10h30. Back in her at 10h35 and back on the phone with you at 11h00. And they would o their separate ways as if nothing ever happened. If somebody even breathes that your man might be cheating, what would you do? Laugh in their face! You were either with him, or on the phone with him ALL day. See, most people are still labouring under the impression that a person needs to "disappear" for them to be cheating. Not answer their phones and not come home. Your man can cheat on you every single day and still be back home at 17h00 on the dot every single day. Gentlemen, the ladies are equally capable.

Point is; Do not be lulled into a false of security. Rather keep it safe. If you are in a sable relationship and you absolutely feel compelled to have unprotected sex, do yourself a favour and both get tested. Regularly.

I hear the same excuse every single day; "The condom burst". Bullshit. Pull the other leg. Go sell stupid somewhere else, because I am not buying it. Unless you use condoms differently to me, condoms don't just burst all willy nilly. 8 out of 10 people who fall pregnant from "burst condoms" just were not wearing one at all. And here is another fun fact. Once the condom bursts (on the rare occasion when it does) most people will 1.Not stop. 2. Will not use condoms for the rest of that evening because "we are going to buy the morning after tomorrow anyway". How STUPID is that logic? That is like getting a smudge of mud on your clothes, then jumping into the mud pit because "I am already dirty and need to change anyway". Stupid.

Nobody is safe. The incident rates of HIV are alarmingly high among 20 something year olds. These are people who generally have access to all the information in the world. And they all have access to condoms, even the stinky free ones (I am still wondering what disgusting rubber they use on Choice condoms).

It is EVERYBODY's responsibility to make sure a condom is worn during sex. Ladies, you are more than welcome to debate the fact that you think the man should be responsible. And you might even win the argument. But the point is moot. The bottom line is; What good is it for me to sit there, talking to you after you have been infected or fallen pregnant and saying; "Yes, you were right...it was HIS responsibility." That is a hollow victory. Why don't you make sure it never gets to that. Keep a pack of 3 in those hue hand bags that you carry. The life you safe could be your own.

Rainbow Nation

No, this is not about everybody getting along and all of the colours of the rainbow standing in Newtown and singing Kumbaya. This is about skin tone.

For white people, it is interesting to note that a deep tan is a sign of good living. The only people who have tans are those who either have just come back from holiday at the seaside or those who have pools in their backyards and loads of time to work on their tans.

This is why tanning salons make so much money. People trying to get that healthy looking tan. And of course, there are those tans in a bottle which make people end up looking orange, rather than a healthy golden brown.

Of course, a few hundred years ago, so many people had outdoor careers, a lighter complexion was the sign of wealth. The Lord of the manner was indoors, while his working class counterparts had to do physical labour in the burning sun.

Now...moving on to the custodians of melanin. Black people have always associated a lighter skin with beauty. Listen to our popular wedding song "Tswang, tswang, tswang, le bone, ngwana o tshwana le lekhalati!" "Come out and see, the bride is so beautiful, she looks coloured" No jokes.

Believe me, I have tried to rationalise this in my head and look at our history. I mean, we come from a period where we were indoctrinated to self loathe and to think black is inferior and white is superior. So much so that coloureds and indians were given more privileges than black people, because they are "closer to being white".

So, yes, being lighter can be seen as a step up in that regard.

And, of course, when I grew up, there were hardly any beautiful and glamorous black women on tv. Internationally! It took MANY years to start seeing beautiful black women on tv.

The bottom line is, though, I know several black women who dream of having a child with another race, so their child has a better chance at a lighter complexion and at being "prettier". How self-loathing is that?

I have heard many light -skinned women tell the story of how every guy they have been with has gone crazy at the sight of their creamy white thighs. Some would even go as far as begging to not use protection with them, because that light skin somehow says they are "healthy" and therefore safe to have sex with "skoen" (without a condom).

Yes, we have been made to hate our black skin and made to feel like lesser beings. But are we not perpetuating it ourselves?

The one thing I know for a fact is; because this black loathing has filtered down to our children, children will always make fun of the dark kids and call them "myamane" (blackie). And as a result, when that child grows up, to avoid having their own kids suffer the same abuse, they will seek out a lighter person to mate with, so their child has the chance of being more balanced.

Sad, really.