Ok, so we've all read the book. And we've all seen the movie. But, somehow, so many women (and men, mind you) still have NO clue about this; How do I tell whether he is into me or not.
Let us start with the negatives. How to tell if he ISN'T into you. The most obvious tell tale signs;-
1. He never calls, only you do the calling.
2. When you DO call him, he is VERY happy to hear from you, but the moment you are done, it is out of sight out of mind for him.
3. He only ever responds to your contact (mail, texts, BBM, What's App) but never initiates contact himself.
4. Whenever you have to do something together, you are the one who always drives the process. You have to keep pushing for him to make time for you.
5. The only time he makes an effort to see you, is only when he wants to get together for sex.
As you may have noticed, I have tried to keep these generic, so that they cover both the instances where you are already involved with one another and cases where you have only just met.
Here are some borderline cases.
1. You meet him and exchange numbers and then he takes a few days before he calls.
2. You go out for a date and after the date he says he had a great time, but then doesn't call for a few days after that.
3. You chat occasionally, speak for a while, then he disappears for a while again.
4. He seems to be dating other people.
5. You are shagmates.
Now, let me tell you why I consider the above borderline cases...
Some guys, like women, follow some stupid rules like "The 3 Day Rule" which states that once a woman has given you her number, you have to wait Three days before you call her. They say this is a control thing so that she doesn't think you are desperate. Keep her waiting a bit. The same goes for after you have been on a date. (In both cases, I would say no guy who is truly into you would care about stupid rules, but some guys are set in their ways, so let us leave those as borderline cases)
If he chats with you often, then disappears just as much, it could be that he is still trying to figure you out.
Ladies, we also have fragile egos. And our minds also work overtime trying to figure YOU out. So, as a man, I could chat with you occasionally, then go away to see if YOU will miss me, or initiate contact at some point as well. Because believe me, we also do not want to waste time and energy on somebody who is not that into us.
The last two are interlinked. We have all had shagmates, NSA (no strings attached), ABF (assistant boy friend) arrangements. And many times, it has been with women who want nothing more than that. I have been a shagmmate to a woman that I was absolutely head over heels in love with. But from the word go she made it crystal clear that all she wanted from me was to be her shagmate. Nothing more. So, hey, we also have feelings. If YOU are giving the vibe that you want nothing more than an ABF, then hell, ABF is all I will act like. Even when I actually AM into you. Sometimes....
Those are the borderline situations. They really could go either way.
Now let us look at the positives. A man IS into you if he does the following;-
1. Calls often, without actually being clingy. (Let's face it, some guys WILL call you every hour to check on you. That is a control thing, not love)
2. Be proud to show you off and talk to his friends and family about you.
3. Will have you over at his place as much as he comes to your place. (Ladies, I cannot say this enough, if you have been dating a man for six months, and you have never seen the inside of his house, you are the woman on the side. He is probably married even)
4. He spends the big holidays (Christmas, New Years) and HIS birthday, with you. Even if a guy has FIVE women in his life. The one that he spends most or ALL those with is The One. Fact. I know this one has sparked some debate in the past, but the women were just in denial. He may lie and tell you about his family's tradition to spend these days with his family. But if you meant that much to him, You would be with him and that family.
5.He performs random acts of kindness to you and to your loved ones. This one is pretty self-explanatory. He cares about you and foresees a future for you two. So he needs to make sure that he fits in well into your life, by fitting in well to the people that matter the most to you.
Folks, there are many more things that I could add to the list. But I am not re-writing the book. Those are, to me, the most significant. And incidentally, they are the ones I get asked about the most, when I get my Agony Uncle questions.
Ultimately, if you have any doubt, whether he is into you or not, chances are he isn't. Because no man will leave any stone unturned to find The One. And if a man really loves you, he will find a way to let you know this. By hook or by crook.
And remember, nothing will syand between a man and the woman he loves. NOTHING will stop him from getting to you. He will walk if he has to. And nothing will stop him from calling you. Stop making or taking excuses. He will walk to a Telkom phone booth if all else fails. But he WILL call.
A man who doesn't call you for three straight days, while living in the same country, is just not your man.
Wake Up! Woman!
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